Happy 48th wedding anniversary to us!  Those two young people in the framed photo are us once upon a time and that is our engagement picture.  I’m ashamed to say that I’ve lost our wedding photos.  Somewhere in our 28 moves the sweet snapshots my cousin took of our simple wedding disappeared.  But photos or not, this week marks 48 years of learning and growing in love as a married couple.  I won’t lie.  There have been big and little bumps in the road, but worth it all.  I guess that’s why marriage has been on my mind.  When I look at the condition of our world, my heart aches.  I’m not a sociologist, but I think I know one of the biggest contributors to the troubles of our times.  Our families are shattered.  In some U.S. communities, where 77% of babies are born to unwed mothers, it’s no longer the norm for there to be a lifetime committed mother and father raising children together.  Overall in the U.S., 23% of children are living in single-parent households.

I’m about to say something very counter-cultural, so hang onto your hat.  God’s plan for happiness for humankind is a man and woman committed to each other for life raising children together.  There, I said it.  Yes, I know there are individual reasons a person can’t/shouldn’t/doesn’t want to marry or have children.  I’m saying that, in general, for the sake of the well-being of individuals and society, lifetime marriage and child-rearing are the ideal.  I also recognize that we are all broken humans and we mess things up.  God isn’t surprised and he doesn’t give up on us when we do the wrong thing.  He forgives and helps us change when we humbly call out to him.  Also, many have been innocent victims of their spouse’s unfaithfulness or violence and find themselves single through no fault of their own.  And every one of us who is married has acted in ways that undermine God’s ideal of marriage for life.  Every time we belittle our spouse, we are rebelling against God’s plan for marital unity.  He describes marriage as two becoming one.  (Genesis 2:24  “a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”).  Any action that tries to tear apart that oneness is going against God’s plan.  Oh, yes, it might be small jabs, but over time each stab cuts into the bonds that unite the two.  There are a million little ways we sabotage our unity.  Any time we hurt the other in anger, or laziness, or selfishness we are tearing apart what God joined together.  Of course, we’re quick to point a finger when someone has an affair and causes a divorce.  Or when a church caves to popular opinion and moves away from God’s plan for marriage, substituting counterfeits for the real thing.  But none of us are innocent of the crime of going against God’s plan for marriage by the way we have treated our spouse.  (Isaiah 53:6  “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way.”)

“If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them,”  Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wrote in the Gulag Archipelago. He then added:  “But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.”

Exactly how can we help families stay together and thrive?  Our own example is the best way to influence those we come in contact with.  I came from a broken home, but as a teenager, I spent a lot of time with my best friend’s family.  Her mom and dad were my role models, and her large family was my ideal family.  So I know first hand the power of example and inclusion.   Let’s faithfully work on our own marriages so we can help others stay together.  Then with humility and honesty, we can encourage others in their marriages.  After all, partnering and parenting are the hardest jobs on earth.  They require us to lay down our own selves and serve others.  Yes, there’s another counter-cultural statement!  It’s isn’t popular wisdom to make other’s needs as important as our own, but that’s the sacrificial living that brings happiness and fulfillment.  

“…agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.  Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”  Philippians 2:2-4

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Ephesians 5:33

In daily life, how do we encourage families? We can start with our own relatives.  Of course, the obvious is if you’re married and raising children, you dedicate yourself to the well-being of your spouse and kids.  But that doesn’t leave the rest of us off the hook.  Husband and I are empty nesters.  Instead of being selfish with all our time, we can offer some of our time to shower our grandchildren with attention. We aren’t as good at this as we want to be, but we’re working on it.  Soon they will have busy lives of their own and our opportunity to spend time with them will be past.  By making them a priority as we plan our weeks, we are proving that we value our family more than other (good) things.  Our children and grandchildren can see by our example that family is precious.  This goes for those who are in different circumstances and life stages than us.  Perhaps you are an aunt or uncle.  You can impact the lives of your nieces and nephews in a deep way.  An aunt and uncle took me into their home after my mother died.  That’s an extreme way to unselfishly give yourself for the sake of family!

After giving our time to our own families, we can be cheerleaders and listening ears to other families we know, both married couples and single mothers. Husband and I delight in spending time with young families.  We are demonstrating to them that families matter.  Husband does car repair for one struggling family we love.  I enjoy going to recitals, programs, and sporting events to be a stand-in grandparent for families whose grandparents live far away or are deceased.  One way to encourage young families is to invite them over for a simple meal. Lunch or just a snack together builds love and trust.   I have unique opportunities because I’m a children’s photographer and Husband helps me.  We do photoshoots in our home so we often welcome client families not only into our home but into our lives.  We talk to them about family and try to build them up.   All of us have different gifts to share that will bless another family.  What are some ways you can encourage families?

Let’s not forget to pray for young families who are raising their children in these difficult times.  Husband and I make it our practice to pray for certain young families we know every day.  Partnering and parenting are hard.  And let’s reach out to single parents who are up against so much to provide for their children.  Practical help and encouragement will lighten their heavy load.

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