The blog I wrote for this week needs to wait for a more appropriate time, so I pulled this from the blog archives. Written over two years ago, I’m so happy to report that the Lord has faithfully been changing me from the inside out. He has helped me put my eyes on him more often than my circumstances and feelings. Turns out that he can teach an old dog new tricks! Not that I’ve arrived, of course. Just improving.
“What is she thinking?! Why is she always discontent? Why isn’t she grateful for the good things she does have, instead of complaining about what she doesn’t have? I’ve noticed this is her habitual behavior and it makes those around her as miserable as she is. So it gets easy to avoid her; to cut a wide path around her,” says I to myself. I’m feeling pretty self-righteous. After all, I try to be grateful every day. I don’t complain- at least not out loud. Well, not very often.
But what does her problem have to do with me? I’m learning that when I see other people’s faults, it usually signals there’s something I need to work on in my life. If I’m slapped in the face with someone’s shortcoming, it’s usually also a slap up the side of the head that some soul searching needs to happen.
So a quick self-inventory. What do I complain about? What am I dissatisfied with? How can I be more grateful? Lots of things jump to mind. Sigh. Not as righteous as I thought.
But is there something else I need to deal with here? Looking at the big picture, I see that the complainer I was disgusted with seems to have exited the womb complaining. It’s a weakness she appears to have been prewired with from infancy. Oh, dear. If we come prewired for certain weaknesses, what is my weakness? What default thinking do I slip into with negative consequences? Squirm. Lord, I know I need to face this besetting sin if I want to grow. I think I know what it is. It rears its ugly head daily. It steals my happiness, courage, and peace. I’m pre-disposed to fear. It’s my default. I fear displeasing others. I fear becoming a burden by getting a debilitating disease or being crippled in an auto accident. I fear the anger of others. I fear not being productive. I fear being the victim of a violent crime. And around and around. Same fears in different forms.
So, I’ve named my own default weakness. Now, what? Use this predisposition to excuse my negative thinking? 
Nope. I don’t want to stay stuck here. What would my days look like if I weren’t fearful? Let’s see. I’d be a lot less uptight in my interactions with others, particularly the people I’m closest to. I’d be occupied with looking out for them instead of myself. I wouldn’t hide myself, but open up at appropriate times in appropriate ways. I’d attempt things that I might not succeed at. I’d be honest about failures. I’d use my time for my priorities without guilt for the things I couldn’t do. I’d be more relaxed, more focused, more determined, more other-centered. I’d serve with willingness and dignity knowing my worth comes from the One in charge of the universe and not from my performance or others’ opinions about me.
So how do I get from here to there? I’m learning to keep asking the question, ‘What would I do right now if I weren’t afraid?’ Being aware that I make small and big decisions based on fear is a real eye opener. I wasn’t even aware how fear played out in my daily life. Recognizing the problem is the first step in changing. Then there’s recognizing what having no fear isn’t. It isn’t an excuse to be rude to others; to say whatever I feel like at the moment; to take unsafe chances; to throw prudence to the wind; to take wild risks; to fail to plan; to be reckless; to just do what I want and hope for the best.
Instead, it is the refusal to be oppressed, dominated, and deterred by the threatening dark cloud on the horizon. It’s the courage to believe that God is a kind Boss, a reasonable Father, and a strong Defender in spite of the reality of suffering, pain, and loss. The bottom line is that the antidote to my fear is love, power, and self-discipline. “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us fearful and timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline. . . for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him.”* God gives me the power to believe him. He gives me love for Him, others, and myself, and he gives me the self-discipline to channel my thoughts away from fear and toward God. Yeah, my default is fear, but I choose power, love and self-discipline that comes from God!
What’s your default negative thought pattern? What are you going to do about that?
* 2 Timothy 1:7,12