In my mind’s eye, I can see my family lining up in the vestibule of my aunt’s small, old home.  The youngest first, me, then my cousins, parents, aunt, and uncle take their places by age with the oldest last.  All the lights are off except for the Christmas tree I know is in the next room behind closed doors. In the dark, a small lit candle is given to each person. My father’s rich baritone voice begins the old carol, “Silent Night”.  Singing together, we file by candlelight into the front room to behold the Christmas tree glowing in its splendor.  With candles and Christmas tree lights illuminating our faces, we finish the carol.  I don’t remember the gifts, but the sound of our voices, the smell of those little beeswax candles, the sight of the colorful tree, and the happiness of having family together will not be forgotten.

Neither will I forget the many lonely Christmases after my parents’ separation.  Sometimes my mother would try to make the day special for her little girl by buying a small tree at the fruit stand down the street on Christmas Eve when they had been reduced. The two of us would lug it up the narrow stairs to our tiny apartment and struggle to get it firmly into that flimsy tree stand.  One snowy Christmas we splurged and went to a hotel in the city for a nice dinner.  I remember sitting at a table for two by the window thinking how lonely my mother must be with no one but a child for company.

Each of us had holiday experiences in our childhood.  Do you have some happy memories that you could recreate for the enjoyment of your loved ones?  We must, however, be sensitive to our families and/or friends.  They may not enjoy what we enjoy, nor believe the way we do.  If so, be flexible, adapting elements that they will enjoy.  Remember that serving them and making them feel loved is far better than following a tradition.

Being flexible and considerate is key to happy holiday celebrations.  Insisting on doing a certain celebration on a certain day can lead to family friction.  Married children have in-laws to take into consideration and possibly different beliefs and priorities.  A big dose of patience and grace helps smooth over differences.  We can show our love by keeping our door open during the holidays without laying guilt on loved ones.  Loving relationships are the best gift we can give.

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”  I Peter 3:8

“they may be won over without words by your behavior.”   another translation says,  “they may become Christians by the life you live without you saying anything.” I Peter 3:1

Remembering our own less-than-happy holidays, what can we do to bring some kindness and cheer into someone’s life who is hurting or lonely this Christmas season?  I don’t mean just throwing money or gifts at those less fortunate.  I mean making a call to someone who is sick, dropping off some cookies and staying for a visit with someone who is alone, writing a card to someone elderly, taking gifts to the poor and spending time chatting and getting to know them.   Loving relationships make the world a better place. ‘Stuff ‘ can never substitute for our time and attention.

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”  Hebrews 13:16

“If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?”  James 2:16

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”   ITimothy 2:18

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people.”  Galations 6:10