Several weeks ago dear Husband and I attended an awards ceremony recognizing the accomplishments of children who attended a Bible club. The children received simple awards for memorizing big portions Scripture. The ceremony included a slideshow of children who had participated in the program in years past. I was struck hard by the photo of a young teen who I recognized because his face hasn’t changed much in the 15+ years since the photo was taken. I didn’t know him then, but I know him today as a loving husband and dedicated father of two little boys. Another photo of a chubby-faced pre-schooler looked vaguely familiar. With a shock, I realized it was the teenage boy that now helps teach the children’s Bible class at church. In a few short years, the kids now getting their awards will be in the audience watching their children get awards. As a teacher in my church, I want to see my students with a view toward their future selves- mothers and fathers leading their own children. I want to see their potential, looking forward to them growing into what God made them to be. I want to instill in them now the qualities that God values and that will make them good and happy.

In the days before there was a king in Israel, a young boy was being prepared to step into the leadership void of his nation. Apprenticed to a priest since toddlerhood, he grew up to become a judge, prophet, priest, and later an appointer of kings. Even as a child, he was obedient, honest, brave, and respectful. He listened to his mentor, and he listened to God. Because of this, his mentor respected and listened to him when God chose to speak to the boy instead of himself, the adult. We don’t know all the ways God intends to use our boys for good! We get to train them so they are preparing now to be ready at any time for God to speak to them and use them. We must also show them respect and listen to them as they are often God’s way of showing us truth.

Since we’re preparing for Father’s Day, I’m going to appeal to parents, grandparents, and teachers of boys. We have the sober responsibility to build up the boys under our care so they become the men God wants them to be. We know the qualities that God values in a man because the New Testament actually has lists of male character traits that God desires:
Loving
Faithful to his wife
Love his wife as much as he loves himself
Takes care of his wife
Not harsh
Gentle
Forgiving
Humble
Not arrogant
Not quick-tempered
Not addicted
Not violent
Self-controlled
Wise
Just
Devout
Self-disciplined
Compassionate
Not lording over, but teaching by example
Shepherds- watching over those in their care (protecting, providing, guiding)
Serves eagerly not just from duty
Respects God’s authority and the authority of leaders
Respectable- others admire his character
Strong faith
Teaches his children the faith
Doesn’t allow his children to run wild
Manages his household well
Honest with money dealings
Enjoys having guests in his home
Loves what is good
Alert to Satan’s temptations
Stands firm against Satan
Encourager
Corrector
Prays
Imitates Jesus who was both a Lion, and King, and a sacrificial Lamb (bold, using his authority for good, self-sacrificing)
Plus traits required of everyone:
Sexually pure
Not greedy
Not slanderers
Thankful
Not consuming sexual content
Good, right, and true
Worshipful

That’s a high standard to aspire to!!! How do we adults begin to instill these character traits in our boys?

Teaching by our own example is the most powerful way to set them on the path to becoming what God wants. They are watching and from infancy they are imitating their parents. We need to examine ourselves and pray for grace to be what they need us to be.

Parents are the primary teachers both by example and by intention. Grandparents and the church can help parents train their children in God’s ways. All of us should remember the supreme importance of how and what we teach and make it a priority in our lives. As we teach them let’s show respect for who they have the potential to become.

Recognizing and helping them realize their gifting from God is the beginning of developing their potential. Observe their strengths and assign them jobs where those strengths can be developed. Don’t force them into activities that they aren’t wired for. Take their God-given personalities into account when you assign jobs. As a teacher, I try to ask extroverts to come up front and lead, while I ask quieter, shyer students to help distribute paper or snacks. Remember they are still children and won’t perform perfectly. Accept their efforts and try not to redo what they have done. Learning is messy and we often have to lower our standards temporarily in order not to discourage them.

We, adults, must step back so our boys can step up.  Give them opportunities to experience the highs and lows of serving. They will learn that happiness and success are found in loving and serving. They’ll also learn that there are no guarantees of outcomes. We may pour our whole heart and life into people, yet some won’t walk the path of Jesus with us. All that God requires is faithful love and service. The results are in his hands.
Our boys will also learn the hard truth that they eventually will face pushback from those who do not love God. As painful as it is, we who speak truth about God and the world are on a collision course with those who believe lies. We have to be honest with our kids about the likelihood of rejection when they say and do the right thing.

“Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful… It is the Lord who judges me… he will expose the motives of the heart.  At that time each will receive their praise from God.” 1 Corinthians 4:2,4,5

Commend them on a job well done such as teaching younger siblings, expressing their beliefs clearly and respectfully, helping you or family members, leading a team project, giving aid to someone who needed it, doing their household chores cheerfully, overlooking irritations from siblings, doing homework on time without our nagging, being respectful, and being patient all should be noticed and appreciated. Make it your mission to affirm their positive behavior. It will go a long way in encouraging them to be what God wants them to be.

We also must call out their negative inclinations with grace and truth. The New Testament lists not only good character qualities but also shortcomings that need to be addressed: laziness, lying, being too forceful, insensitivity, lacking self-control, disrespect, selfishness, greed, too focused on money, popularity, or control. Correcting our kids’ negative inclinations is the loving thing to do. It’s our job to point these out with honesty and kindness; not to accuse, but to help them change. We should use firmness and consequences mixed with grace, remembering that each of us sins but God forgives.

Let’s remind ourselves often that God has a good plan for our boys. Let’s help them develop good character by our own example and by intentionally making teaching moments. Let’s step back so they can step up and take responsibility in line with their capabilities and personalities. Let’s commend them lavishly and correct them firmly and lovingly.