Husband and I were excited to give a greeting and an update from a mutual friend to an acquaintance of ours. We enthusiastically launched into the news from our mutual friend, but our acquaintance didn’t fully engage.  We were disappointed when she looked past our faces and over our shoulders to what was going on behind us.  However, she became animated when the conversation turned to her and her accomplishments.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.  You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”  Philippians 2:3-5

We can’t be good listeners if we’re wondering if we’re making a good impression, or if we’re thinking of our own reply before they’re finished speaking.  Concentrating on the other person and giving them our full attention is a sincere compliment and a valuable gift.  If we’re distracted with thoughts of self, we’re not good listeners.  If we’re not good listeners, we won’t understand the other person.  We need undivided thoughts to tune in to others.  We can learn about them by noticing their body language, their expressions, their eyes.  They are giving us clues to understand them if we will pay attention. We can never stop thinking about ourselves, nor should we.  We just shouldn’t let our self-thoughts drown out others-thoughts.  Sincerely listening to their words, their body language, even what they are not saying will help us understand what they need and how can we help.

By nature, we’re self-centered.  Part of survival.  Human nature.  But when we become a new being by God’s spirit living within, we have the capacity to genuinely care about others as much as we care about ourselves.  Notice that we’re not told to stop looking out for our own interests.  Of course, we need to take care of ourselves.  We’re told to care about others just like we care about ourselves.

Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord.  And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’(Deuteronomy 6:4-5)  The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’(Leviticus 19:18) No other commandment is greater than these.”  Mark 12:29-31

We’re not told to stop loving ourselves.  We’re told to love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves.  What does the other person need?  How can I meet that need?  If I can’t, who can?  It isn’t wrong to think about your own needs or to look inside and check ourselves.  What’s wrong is when thinking about self pushes aside thoughts of others. 

This isn’t an ‘either or’ command.  God never asks us to choose between ourselves and others.  It’s an ‘and’ command.  Take care of yourself and your neighbor. Only God can give us the wisdom to keep these in balance.  As I age, I often have the experience of God intervening to lighten my load.  For instance, I’ve invited people over for a meal because they need friendship, but I got behind on preparations.  Providentially, they text and say they’re going to be late.  They arrive just as I’m ready for them.  I serve a kind and understanding Boss!  He covers for me in my weakness.  He isn’t a slave-driver but makes allowances.  I’m cultivating that attitude toward myself and others.  Just today I had a migraine headache.  Lucky me, there’s little pain, just vision issues and fogginess.  Later, when I was cooking lunch I was clumsy and not totally ‘with it’.  I broke the potato patties trying to transfer them from the skillet to our plates.  I burned the sausages.  I forgot to get the butter out of the refrigerator to soften.  The meat was cooked way before the eggs and potatoes.  The meal was a mess.  I told myself out loud, “It’s OK.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m doing the best I can.”  Instead of being angry at myself and the situation, I took a breath and accepted my limitations and gave myself grace just like Jesus does.

I find it easier to forgive others than to forgive myself.  I even find it easier to be positive and encouraging toward others than to encourage myself.  When I blow it, self-condemnation immediately kicks in.  I beat myself up.  But this is self-defeating.  It isn’t how God treats us and he doesn’t intend for us to treat ourselves this way.  We admit our failure and then turn toward the next step ahead.  We admit that we did this wrong, now how can we avoid that in the future and what is the next right thing to do?

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat.  But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers.”
Peter said, “Lord, I am ready to go to prison with you, and even to die with you.”
But Jesus said, “Peter, let me tell you something. Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny three times that you even know me.”  Luke 22:31-3

Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.  Matthew 26:75

Jesus warned Peter that Peter was about to play the coward and deny his connection with Jesus when the chips were down.  But Jesus wasn’t giving up on Peter and told him so ahead of time. Jesus saw beyond Peter’s impending failure and gave Peter hope.  “When you have repented and turned to me again . . .”  The door is always open to come back.  “Strengthen your brothers.”  And when we walk thru that open door, there is always a plan and a purpose on the other side of failure.  We are never hopeless beyond repair.  We need to extend that kind of grace and hope to others and to ourselves because that’s what Jesus does.

I try to honor and respect others as I would like to be honored and respected.  I try to listen to others as I would like them to listen to me. I try to be considerate of others as I would like them to be considerate of me.  But some of us need to treat ourselves as well as we try to treat others.  I had a dear friend and neighbor who gently pointed out to me how disrespectfully I talked about myself.  When I would say, “I’m a dodo head.” Or “I’m hopeless.”  She always replied, “Don’t talk about my friend like that.”  She made me realize my negative self-talk.  Thanks, Yvonne!  

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”  Matthew 7:12

Be kind to others and yourself.

Take care of yourself and others.

Think of the needs of others and yourself.

Be an attentive listener.