I was angry. Why did that medical assistant have to be such a Nazi?! Why wouldn’t she believe me? Grrrrr. I hate conflict. I hate conflict! I try to get along with others. When the assistant refused to allow the test I came for and instead insisted on another, I was dumbfounded. I have a hard time confronting someone who seems to be in authority. But I’m learning that anger is an alarm bell to alert us to a violation, a breaching of our borders. So instead of ignoring my anger and complying, I firmly declared why I had come and that the doctor had always ordered this test in the past. But the assistant was having none of it and refused to listen. I politely (I hope) left. I removed myself physically from the conflict. Everyone has had this kind of confrontation. So what can we learn from these irritating experiences?
Was I going to let my anger blind me to the next best step? After talking it over with patient Husband, I decided to return to the office and schedule an appointment with the doctor herself. Fast forward to my appointment two days later. The first thing my kind doctor said when she when she saw me, “I’m so sorry about the other day.” She apologized for her assistant and hugged me. “We’ll do your blood draw right after your appointment.” I had come to do battle. To reason, to complain. But all was fixed before I even said one word. Done. Over. What a relief! At Husband’s prodding, I mentioned the real issue that had caused me to request a blood test in the first place. I hadn’t made a real appointment because I felt it was hopeless to even try to resolve the problem of my migraines. Who doesn’t have headaches? How can the causes ever be determined? It’s just something to live with. But she wasn’t put off. After asking questions and listening well to my responses, she suggested something simple. Following her example of being a good listener, I shut up and paid attention. A small change in my daily routine. I resisted at first. I’ve always done it this way. How could I make that change? But I decided to give it a try.
Now if that assistant had been sweet and accommodating, I wouldn’t have made that appointment. I would have been satisfied to know that my blood work was normal and that would have been the end of it. No known cause for the migraines. Life would’ve gone as before. But that uncomfortable confrontation forced me to have a face to face with the doctor who wasn’t willing to dismiss the problem without working on it. Sometimes we don’t know what’s good for us! But we have a loving Father who cares and directs our paths. Don’t hear me saying that we are always guaranteed a cure, a quick answer, or the answer we want. I’m saying that God cares and he will bring good out of ugly situations when we are committed to obeying him.
Makes me think of so many Bible stories where things take a left turn in a disturbing, disappointing, or hurtful way, but God is actually behind the scenes redeeming the bad situation and making it life-giving and happy-making. I think of poor Mary on her tiring, dirty way to Bethlehem way too pregnant to be making such a trip. She must have wondered why it had to be this way. Such bad timing for a long trip. Then, when at the end of her exhausting trip, there wasn’t even a normal place to lay her weary head, she must have despaired. As if sleeping in a barn wasn’t hard enough, she also had to give birth there. Instead of a trusted neighbor assisting her, her midwife was a stranger, or perhaps just poor Joseph himself alone. Instead of relatives coming to visit her baby, a band of rough strangers showed up uninvited. Nothing seemed to be right. But all the disappointments, fears, and loss were part of a big plan that would have the happiest ending in the whole wide world. Mary was human, she stumbled at times, and she couldn’t see all of the big picture. But she had unshakable faith in a God who promised her that her son would be a “mighty Savior from the royal line of (God’s) servant David, just as (God) promised through his holy prophets long ago.” (Luke 1:69-70) It’s easy for us to see that God had to bring the couple from Nazareth to Bethlehem at just the right time so that the Messiah could be born in the city of David exactly as the prophets had foretold, but it may not have been immediately clear to Mary why this uncomfortable trip was necessary. Yet she believed God was doing what he promised.
So day by day I pour out my frustrations, fears, and disappointments to the God who cares and who holds me while he works everything out for a good end.
Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8
P.S. So the end of my little story is yet to be written. But since making the change in my routine last week, I haven’t had a migraine and normally I would have. I’m not counting on a cure. I’m just reveling in the care of a kind God who forced me by means of an over zealous assistant into seeing a doctor who cared. And in the meantime, thanks to the daily routine change, I’m sleeping well which just may be the key to decreased migraines going forward.
PPS Oh, ok, if you’re curious. The change the doctor recommended was to stay away from a screen two hours prior to bedtime in order to get better sleep. It did cure my lying awake every night when I went to bed. Hooray! We’ve all heard this advice, but I thought it was because of the stimulation of the content. Apparently, it’s the light from the screen that keeps us awake. Our son explained that the blue light frequencies from screens keep our bodies revved up- think daylight. Natural light fades from cool blue to warm yellow as the sun sets, telling our bodies to wind down. We can program our cell phones and iPads to switch to warm light in a similar way, but not my old computer screen. So by simply rearranging my days, I end my computer time two hours before bed and do other things instead, like reading to Husband, talking, and doing chores. And like magic, I fall asleep when I go to bed and stay asleep. Maybe this could help you or someone you love?