My mother was a single parent. She worked long hours to support us, so she was tired in the evenings, yet she devoted those hours to being together. Time is the currency of relationships. And relationships are very expensive! Jesus spent 24/7 for three years with the 12 men he chose to train. Probably the only people we’ll get to spend that kind of time with is our family members. There is nothing like consistent daily time spent together with the other person’s good in mind. A few hours after work can be meaningful. It’s just limited.
my grandmother standing near part of her flower garden circa 1960
Thankfully, my elderly grandmother babysat me after school and summers. It was she who taught me by example how to enjoy and care for flower gardens. She gave me freedom in her kitchen to try my wings in the culinary realm. She modeled spending time each day reading God’s Word. Her Bible was the first Bible I ever read. Her classic books were the ones that I read just for enjoyment. She modeled a work ethic that pushed the boundaries of her infirmities. She allowed me to do jobs that weren’t meant for a girl so young and the responsibility matured me. Her crippling arthritis taught me to treat older people with patience and care, trying to help to the best of my ability. These are things that days together can teach.
Part of my flower garden a few weeks ago
So whatever time you have with your children or your spouse or grandkids, make the most of it! Do your best to meet their needs. If you have all day together, give them space to pursue their own interests part of the day. But if you have only a few hours, try to make happy memories together. Let children help you with household chores, ensuring that they will be capable adults equipped to care for themselves and their future families, full of confidence born of experience. Besides working together, do something fun together. Relax, read aloud, or play a game, and talk about their day. Give them your attention and engage in meaningful conversation. Likewise with friendships. If you have limited time together, make the most of it by talking about what matters, serving together, and laughing together.
crated with Ai
Which brings me to another element of relationship- engaging on a deeper level. This is true for family and for friends. Ask questions and listen patiently without forming a response until you have listened long enough to understand what’s going on in their minds and they want your response. Don’t dance around certain subjects. Let them be honest without fear of your reaction. In this way, they will be free to bring their plans, their concerns, their doubts and questions to you for open and non-accusatory interactions. Allocating time to family and friends means saying, ‘No,’ to many other things- even good things. But investing our time in relationships pays high dividends.
Many times when we listen and observe, we see things that we wish we didn’t see in another person. It’s easier to keep things superficial because we don’t want to have to wrestle with their problems with them. We don’t want to have to unravel their wrong thinking and help them correct it. Here is where grace comes in. We are charged to accept one another. We accept each others’ shortcomings as they are today, but we hope for better. Acceptance doesn’t rule out correcting. It does rule out rejecting them because of their flaws. We always remember that every one of us is flawed. We may need to step back when someone we love refuses to examine themselves and commit to change. Consequences can sometimes teach what we cannot. (FYI- we don’t accept abuse.) But in healthy relationships where both parties are committed to obeying God, we just have to allow for each other’s weaknesses. Jesus accepts us as we are. (But he loves us too much to leave us that way!)
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please himself . . .May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had . . . Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. For I tell you that Christ has become a servant . . .” Romans 15:1-3,5-8
Created with Ai
Relationships aren’t just about trying to help others talk to us, it’s also about honestly talking to them. Our Lord asked questions like, ‘What do you think?’ but he also expressed his deepest feelings to his disciples. He told them, “My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death,” on the night before his torture and painful death. Loving those close to us- I’m not referring to casual acquaintances- means honestly expressing our feelings. Letting them see our heart, our struggles, our failures, our hopes, our successes. It also means freely sharing what God is teaching us now and times he’s helped us in the past. It isn’t sugar coating the hard things. It’s being vulnerable and open.
“Now my soul is deeply troubled. Should I pray, ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But this is the very reason I came!” John 12:27 Jesus confiding his dread to his disciples prior to his arrest and crucifixion.
“We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind. We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. . . God’s power is working in us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense. We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. We are ignored, even though we are well-known. We live close to death, but we are still alive. We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.” 2 Corinthians 6:4-10. (Paul honestly recounting the trials of his life)
As we’re being vulnerable and open, we can ask for what we need from others. There’s no shame in asking. Sometimes others just need a clear picture of what they can do for us. It’s better to honestly express need, than to go away empty and sow seeds of bitterness for what they didn’t do for us.
“We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.” 2 Corinthians 6:11-13. Paul writing to the church at Corinth