This was written a few days ago by a 21 year-old who we have loved since her childhood.

“𝕆𝕟𝕖 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤. Bed-bound. One year ago yesterday I walked into the gym at 8:16 pm and immediately felt my legs collapse after being there for only 3 minutes.“

  How do we stop complaining when faced with pain and loss?   We can deliberately change our attitude from grumbling to gratitude when inconvenienced or even when enduring loss and pain on a certain level, but what about when the loss and pain invade every ounce of our being and won’t go away?  No amount of positive thinking can erase it.  There’s no ignoring it because every minute reminds us of the loss of a spouse, or child, or health.  What then? Here is the rest of our young friend’s story:

“Leading up to this [collapse], were 2 yrs of dizziness, brain fog, vertigo, brain storms, insomnia, and catching every virus, but we figured it was post-concussion syndrome, especially after I cracked my head Dec. 26, 2019, my 4th TBI. I stayed dedicated to juggling nursing school alongside cognitive, optic, and neuro PT. I wasn’t getting better….then I couldn’t walk…we were terrified. 

ALS, MS, bone cancer, Lyme disease, and other daunting diagnoses were all in question for MONTHS. It was a miracle I finished my Junior year clinicals that summer in ICU. Still answer-less, my body tried to quit yet again, in August 2021- forcing me to drop out of school 3 days into my new senior year. 

ANSWERS!! – this 𝕨𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖 time, for years, my body had been reacting to black mold poisoning causing inflammation to my brain and spinal cord, most likely from high school swimming. Today, I am 3 years into being very sick, 1 year into being bed-bound, 5 months into treatment with my fav Dr. Barrett, and 2 months into a slow detoxification plan. 

How do I live this life when I’m just ᴅʀᴏᴡɴɪɴɢ ɪɴ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠɪɴɢ? I wince at even calling it a life at all. I would have said pick someone who will stay so strong & positive. I feel stuck in a 92-year-old frail body at 21. 

I’ve been totally over it and frustrated, but never totally hopeless.

I am not happy about my circumstances, but the knowledge of His goodness is enough to keep me going. It’s just me and Him. RAW, HONEST, AND UNFILTERED. His goodness is revealed in comforting our pains and not just giving us the desires of our heart.

God intimately KNOWS His purposes behind our waiting. It is there that He gives us the 𝔾ℝ𝔼𝔸𝕋𝔼ℝ gift of comfort, peace, and joy until His perfect purposes are revealed to us in HIS perfect timing. THAT is the most comfort I have ever received. More than medicine or a treatment plan. Gosh. I am loved and valued so much. And so. are. you. 

Here I am, learning the art of vulnerability. Love you all.“  Amber W.

The Scriptures also record honestly the lows and the highs of human existence.  We read the raw feelings of real people and we can learn as Amber did how to deal with deep hurt. King David in the Old Testament is a good example of honestly acknowledging his pain, and that God allowed the circumstances.  But he trusted God to be present with him and bring him through to the other side. His faith in the promises and character of God lit the dark places with hope.

“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.
    Tears blur my eyes.
    My body and soul are withering away.
I am dying from grief;       [Honestly admitting his feelings]
my years are shortened by sadness.
Sin has drained my strength;
I am wasting away from within.

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
    saying, “You are my God!”
My future is in your hands.       [Trusting God to bring him through]
Rescue me . . .
Let your favor shine on your servant.
In your unfailing love, rescue me.
How great is the goodness
    you have stored up for those who fear you.  [Hope for good things ahead]
You lavish it on those who come to you for protection,
blessing them before the watching world.

You hide them in the shelter of your presence,  [believing God is with him]

Praise the Lord,
for he has shown me the wonders of his unfailing love.
He kept me safe when my city was under attack.
In panic I cried out,
“I am cut off from the Lord!”
But you heard my cry for mercy
    and answered my call for help.

Love the Lord, all you godly ones!
For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him,
but he harshly punishes the arrogant.
So be strong and courageous,
    all you who put your hope in the Lord!”  
Psalm 31:9-11, 14-16, 19-24

On a lesser level, I saw a friend model a godly approach to the loss of her pet.  She lost their dog who meant a lot to her.  She and her husband are older like me but they don’t have grandchildren and their adult children don’t live close by.  Their dog had provided love and entertainment for many years.  One day while grieving for the dog and complaining about missing the companionship, she felt like God told her to appreciate the years of enjoyment he had given her through her dog.  She felt compelled to thank God for his generous gift.  Being obedient to switch from grumbling to gratitude brought her out of the doldrums and put her on a path of healing.

Even in pain, we can choose to be grateful to God for the good things he has given us.  We can also be grateful for the good things he is going to give us through the present pain.  God is very good at redeeming the bad things and turning them for our good and the good of others.

Later, when we lost our pet I also had an “Aha!” moment.  I was a weepy mess until I decided that every time I missed my kitty, instead of crying, I would deliberately repeat to the Lord, “I don’t like this, but I accept it because you allowed it to happen.  I thank you that you have good things in store for me and I will look for them.”

Let’s take our feelings to God (He knows them anyway!)
Let’s remember that God is God and in charge
Let’s trust God with our needs and our future
Let’s rest in the fact that God is with us all the way
Let’s be grateful that he has/is/will bring us good things