An older lady (yep, even older than me), leaned close so we could hear each other above the background noise of many other conversations.
“Hi, I’m A______. What’s your name?” After short niceties, she got down to business in a kind way by asking direct questions about me. I answered her questions honestly, but without details. She was completely cordial and generous enough to be satisfied with my answers, after which she declared with heartfelt sentiment, “You are welcome here.” That simple, genuine statement spoke an acceptance that I didn’t even realize I was yearning for. Her words washed welcome into my very soul. There was room for me. I could have a place here.
Twice recently I’ve been the outsider. Both times I’ve had the pleasant experience of being welcomed into the group. The women who pulled me in took time to take a personal interest in me and have a one on one conversation. They asked questions that gave me an opportunity to tell them a little about me. They opened the door, but didn’t push me through it! Nor did they shut the door on my timid toe! Being good listeners, they controlled the urge to interrupt with their own comments. They contributed to the conversation but were patient for the right time.
I thought back to experiences all during my life where another woman reached out to draw me into a group. Just five years ago two lovely ladies (and their husbands) made it a point to be friendly and make sure Husband and I knew they were happy to include us in their church. Many years ago our mission manager’s wife made me feel welcome and valued. And some years later, our child’s Sunday school teacher was one of the first to welcome and encourage us when we moved into a new area.
If we notice someone new to our group, we can rightly assume that they are unsure, in the midst of change, and wondering if anyone cares. Reach out in genuine interest. They aren’t a project, or one more hand to shake. They are individuals who are just like us with needs, gifts, joys, worries. Our job is to love them as our neighbor human. We never know who is in need of some kindness during a pivotal period of their lives. We don’t know what battles they’re facing. We do know each person needs kindness and care.
There’s a story in the Bible about a newcomer. His name was Saul and he was an outsider. He’d done terrible things to Christians and was rightfully feared. Then, suddenly, Saul himself became a believer. Now he was in a predicament. The other believers were afraid of him, and those he used to work with now hated him. Enter an encourager! Barnabas, who had grown up being a foreigner on an island in the Mediterranean, saw that Saul, the new believer, was being shunned. He personally introduced him to the leadership of the church. On the word of Barnabas, they accepted Saul who then grew in usefulness. Eventually, the two men joined to plant many other churches scattered across Asia Minor.
“. . . there was Joseph, the one the apostles nicknamed Barnabas (which means “Son of Encouragement”). He was from the tribe of Levi and came from the island of Cyprus.” “When Saul arrived in Jerusalem, he tried to meet with the believers, but they were all afraid of him. They did not believe he had truly become a believer! Then Barnabas brought him to the apostles and told them how Saul had seen the Lord on the way to Damascus and how the Lord had spoken to Saul. He also told them that Saul had preached boldly in the name of Jesus in Damascus. So Saul stayed with the apostles and went all around Jerusalem with them, preaching boldly in the name of the Lord.” Acts 4:36 and Acts 9:26-28
And that wasn’t the only time that Barnabas, the Son of Encouragement, took an unlikely person under his wing and helped develop them. Later, Barnabas stood up for a young man who had blown it. The young man had lost his courage and quit a mission trip with Barnabas and Saul, now called Paul. By the standards of Paul, the young man was a write-off. He had failed miserably. But Barnabas wasn’t ready to give up on him. Barnabas saw potential and had compassion on the young man to whom he wanted to give a second chance. However, Paul had made up his mind not to welcome the young man on a second mission trip. This caused a split between the two close friends and they went their separate ways with Barnabas taking the young man with him and Paul taking another man with him. At the end of Paul’s life, he admitted that the young man had become very helpful to him and requested him to come and be with him. The patience and hope of Barnabas had born fruit.
Oftentimes those who have experienced being an outsider are best equipped to compassionately welcome newcomers into their group. I remember several years ago meeting a couple our age who were visiting our church. We were shocked and saddened to hear that although they had already visited numerous times, they didn’t yet have any friends. So I started introducing them to our friends. But I wasn’t let off the hook by some perfunctory intros. I felt the Lord plainly put it on my heart to be a true friend to her. Thus began what is now a close friendship that I cherish. I’m so glad for the blessing of meeting those newcomers!
It’s so easy to give up on someone who has disappointed us. We’re hurt and we don’t see improvement coming any time soon. It doesn’t seem to be worth the risk and investment to try to move forward in the relationship. They will probably let us down again. But second and third chances are what God loves to give. He can give us the hope and patience to hang onto someone who is flailing around. We can help pull them toward a stable, useful life. We have failed and been given another try, so we should offer the same grace to others.
So whether it’s a newcomer in need of connection or someone who has blown it, we need to reach out and offer friendship and encouragement. God uses our welcoming arms.
Lorelei
Giving Grace and love to others refreshes our spirits
Yes, indeed! Such a good comment! It definitely benefits us when we give grace and love.