Every culture values women’s beauty. When I was a child, we girls played with Barbie dolls dressing them in pretty clothes and accessories. I first became aware of fashion and who was thought to be lovely in the era of Twiggy. For those too young to have heard of her, she was a young and extremely thin model. We were unwittingly being conditioned to believe that we needed to be stick thin and have nice clothes to be pretty. And, of course, be young. Then I got old enough to want pretty clothes for myself, not just my doll. Money was tight for my single mother, but many of the girls at school were from wealthy families who made sure their daughters had the best of everything including clothing. I tried not to compare. About this time being blonde was the cool thing to be which was a problem for me as a brunette. I bought highlight shampoo and put lemon juice in my hair and got in the sun. Any slightly lighter brown strand of hair was cause for happiness when I checked the mirror. The one good thing about fashion in those days was that straight hair was popular so I could check one box. Do you remember silly things you used to do to make yourself pretty- pretty by a narrow definition of current fashion?
Of course, the standard of beauty changes with the culture and time. Even in my lifetime, I’ve seen shifts in what is considered beautiful. The problem with societal standards of beauty for women is that most of us can’t attain to the standards. Even if we manage to conform to them when we’re young, when we get older, heavier, saggier, and grayer we no longer fit the beauty mold. Or if we don’t have the finances for the beauty salon, or to buy the latest fashion trend in clothing, purses, shoes, or jewelry. I’m not here to complain, though. I’m here to talk about a better way. Did you know that God has weighed in on the beauty issue? He makes it clear that his standard is far different that society’s standard. This is good news for all of us. What he values can be attained by any woman (with his help).
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
It turns out that our inner selves are of more concern to God than how we look. He values a woman’s attitude above her appearance. He cherishes a woman who takes a gentle approach to others. He loves character that meets life’s hard things with quiet trust. He admires a gentle and quiet spirit that doesn’t grab and resist; an outlook that allows others space and doesn’t demand what she wants but rests in a strong faith in God.
“They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10
What attracts others to us should be how we behave, not a glitzy appearance. ‘Beauty is as beauty does’ is a true saying. When it comes down to it, we usually prefer to be around women who are kind more than we want to be around women who are beautiful. All of us have known that diva who was so preoccupied with herself that she didn’t have bandwidth for others. Stop and think for a moment about the women in your life who have helped you. Do you think of their appearance first? No, you think of their loving, helpful ways. Relatives, teachers, friends- they won a place in your heart because they loved you and did good things for you, not because they were pretty.
One last thing – I hesitate to share this because it may make someone angry. But I just can’t ignore the fact that Scripture mentions this as a part of women’s beauty.
“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master [boss in our lingo]. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear” 1 Peter 3:4-6
Now before you jump to the conclusion that God is a chauvinist, notice his command to husbands in the next verse. In the same way as wives honor their husbands, husbands must also honor their wives. Different roles, same respect and equality.
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7
There is even a threat to husbands if they don’t treat their wives kindly. God won’t answer their prayers.
It seems that part of being gentle and calm-spirited has to do with allowing our husbands to lead. We’re not fighting for control, insisting on things our way, but respecting his decisions and accommodating him. This combined with husbands treating their wives considerately and honoring them makes for strong, happy families. I know this is unpopular in our current culture. Men and women choose to take care of themselves first instead of working together honoring each other. But how has it worked out to ignore these commands from God? Our families are dysfunctional, our youth have no respect for authority, and there is rampant depression and addictions. I’m not blaming all our ills on the breakdown of families, but I can’t help but think that our nation would be in better shape if we obeyed God in his clear commands about families. And we women have great power in regard to our families. Our gentleness and calm spirit go a long way in bringing peace to our families as we model respect for our husband’s leadership.
So let’s make it our goal to be women who are beautiful from the inside out cultivating gentleness and calm faith shown by our respect for our husbands and the good way we treat others. Let’s value ourselves as persons more than bodies. And let’s look deeper than appearances when we interact with others.
And no, the mirror doesn’t tell the whole truth!