Taking their story into consideration so we can be considerate.

Did you ever stop to consider what some of your family and friends are up against?  The next time I’m tempted to shake my head and walk away in anger or disgust, I will stop and consider that person’s story.  I want to really see them and feel their pain.  I know I’ll have a different attitude toward them and want to help them.  For instance, the other day I was discussing the health problems of a relative-by-marriage with another family member.  It is hard to understand why he isn’t helping himself by changing his eating habits and getting medical help.  But the more I thought about it, the more I had compassion for him instead of judging him. His defeatist attitude that he’s too old to change may be a result of any number of influences in his life.  He may have inherited a predisposition to melancholy that is hard to overcome.  He may have had life experiences that reinforced his hunch that he isn’t capable of change.  His body may be sending his brain signals that are scrambled by a disease.  He may be comparing himself to others who don’t have his struggles which is discouraging him.  He may feel useless because of his ill health and assume he is a burden and doesn’t deserve to live.  He may eschew medical professionals because he had a terrible experience in the past.  I’m so quick to judge when I know only a tiny part of a person’s story.

I watch friends spend money in ways I wouldn’t.  But instead of judging them, I remember the horiffic life experiences they have had that affect the ways they spend money to get comfort. They choose to spend money for the comfort of security and the comfort of socializing in ways I don’t need to. I see someone else who has limited emotional resources for friendship activities and remind myself that it is due in large part to health issues.  Relationships take effort and energy that not everyone has in abundance.  Other friends don’t express friendship the way I do.  I love to have others into my home to eat together.  But some of my friends simply don’t enjoy giving or receiving hospitality for reasons I don’t yet know, so we meet in a neutral location.

 So, considering what others are up against, we can accept others and forgive them, if necessary, instead of judging and backing away.  (This isn’t the same as assisting them to continue in harmful behavior.  Nor is it the same as ignoring hurtful behavior toward us.  There are appropriate times to back away.  When there is no repentance, i.e. wanting to change and admitting guilt, we can keep a healthy distance as long as we don’t harbor anger and want to pay them back.)  If we genuinely have compassion, we will know what to do.  Feeling their pain enables us to help them in the best ways.  If we truly see others, not disdaining them, but pitying them, we will be moved to do what we can to help.

“Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Matthew 14:14

“Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.”  Mark 6:34

We can give people the benefit of the doubt more easily if they are operating out difficulties they didn’t bring on themselves like cancer or abuse.  But when the difficulties are self-induced, we have less patience.  Yet the only completely pure person who ever lived was compassionate even toward those who willfully chose bad behaviors.  He, of all people, could have condemned, but he chose a different approach.  He told the woman caught in the act of adultery that he wasn’t condemning her.  But he didn’t pat her on the head and send her away saying, ‘You poor baby.  You’re just a victim of mean people.  Go back to your old ways.’   Instead, He called her actions what they were- sin.  He told her to stop that behavior, believing she was capable of stopping with his help.  He knew her actions were harming her and he wanted her best.   This is the redemptive approach.  Not condemning, but not glossing over the wrong behavior, either.  Instead, he made a way back for her if she chose to take it.  The goal was graciously leading her away from harm and toward wholeness.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”
 . . . but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.  They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.  Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
 “No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”  John 8:4-11

I know that my inherited tendencies, past experiences, and current needs don’t doom me to bad outcomes.  No matter what life has dealt me, I can choose a higher road.  I’m not at the mercy of fate, or my lower inclinations.  By the power of God’s spirit in me, I can overcome.  I have the power to choose well.  There is hope for every person who calls on God.  No one is beyond the reach of God’s grace to change them.  

Jesus modeled compassion and forgiveness right up to his last breath.  While the soldiers were crucifying him,  the crowds were spectating, and the leaders were mocking him, he still refused to condemn.

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

Isn’t that often times the explanation for our mistreatment?  The offenders don’t know what they’re doing?  The soldiers at the cross thought they were just doing their job and didn’t realize they were killing the Son of God.  The onlookers were simply curious.  The leaders thought they were getting rid of a subversive who threatened their ‘rightful’ leadership.  They didn’t realize they were getting rid of their Messiah.  God is compassionate toward our stupidity.  He remembers our human limitations.  I want him to help me treat others that same way.  The next time I’m tempted to shake my head and walk away in anger or disgust, I will stop and consider that person’s story.  I want to really see them and feel their pain.  I know I’ll have a different attitude toward them and want to help them.

“The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him. 
For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.”  Psalm 103:13-14

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