I was in a dither. I was running an important errand, had a very tight schedule, and I had made a stupid mistake that made my errand way longer than it needed to be. Our son was coming with our two granddaughters for a visit and I needed to get home because Husband had a non-negotiable commitment and he had to leave soon. But I was running late. Driving in heavy traffic behind schedule and beating myself up for causing this mess, I worried, “What if our son and his girls come to an empty house and think we don’t care?” (It’s a 50-minute drive for him, a lot of hassle getting two little girls ready to come, and it’s his day off so he could be doing other things, but he chooses to come to visit us and make us happy.) I’m mad at myself. Is God mad at me, too? Or is he patiently watching me run in circles with an amused smile on his face? I decided it was neither.
Here’s what I felt him telling me in those breathless, tense, grip-the-steering-wheel moments. “Daughter, I remember that you are dust. You are my human creation with limitations. I am patient with my creatures’ shortcomings. But let’s talk about how you got yourself into this situation. If you admit what you did to cause this, you’ll be able to avoid this in the future. What should you have done differently?” I took a deep breath. I had made some glaring errors. I should have done this errand yesterday. But because I hadn’t done necessary research until last night, I didn’t know I needed a bolt of black fabric for my photoshoot today. Altho I knew for over a week that I would be doing a type of shoot I had never done before, (aerial arts performers), I hadn’t done the necessary research to figure out how best to do this kind of shoot until last night. What’s worse is that the reason I hadn’t checked how other photographers were doing this was because in my pride, I thought I could handle it without any input from others. While doing my last minute research, I realized that I needed a large black background to best highlight the subjects. This was a problem because I didn’t have a large black background! Thus, the mad dash to the fabric store to buy a lot of black fabric which brings up my third error. The first being procrastinating, second, being pride, and third, being lack of thoroughness. I hadn’t checked where to buy said fabric. I thought I knew. Yep, I went to the wrong store. The store I should have gone to was 12 minutes closer than the wrong store. 30 wasted minutes in all. A quick Google search with the right keywords would have saved the white knuckle driving.
After admitting my mistakes, I felt the kindness of God. I knew he was with me and cared about the minutia of my life. I felt peace. But when I entered the right store and saw aisle after aisle of fabric, I was overwhelmed. How will I ever find the exact type of fabric I’m looking for in the next 5 minutes to get home in time? I sent up a desperate prayer for someone to help me, but no clerk was in sight. After quick passes down three aisles, I knew I was in trouble. There was no way I could find what I needed quickly. The aisles seemed endless. Just then I heard two women talking somewhere near me. It turned out one was a clerk. How beautiful she looked to me! I waited not too patiently for the first customer to finish and then burst out with my dilemma. I’m in a time crunch, I can’t find what I need, and I’m not even sure exactly what I need. I explained what I needed the fabric for and she smiled pleasantly and told me that often photographers buy this certain type of fabric for backdrops and took me directly to that fabric which was on sale. I was so grateful and relieved to be rescued from my frantic search. She went to the back and brought out an uncut bolt with a yard more than I thought I needed. She offered that extra yard at a big discount since it would have been a remnant to which I gladly agreed, and sprinted for the cashier. Amazingly, I actually made it home two minutes after our son and granddaughters arrived and dear Husband hadn’t yet left.
P.S. I actually needed every inch of that fabric. P.P.S. The photoshoot went well.
What I learned about the Lord that day:
He understands.
“For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.” Psalm 103:14 referencing Genesis 2:7. “Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.
But he doesn’t wink at our mistakes. He helps us face them.
‘You have eyes—can’t you see? You have ears—can’t you hear?’ Don’t you remember anything at all? Jesus in Mark 8:16
He doesn’t write us off as hopeless. He keeps working on us. He never leaves us or ignores us even though we (repeatedly) do dumb things.
“Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” Romans 2:4
“Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.” Exodus 34:6
He is generous even when we do dumb things.
“But the disciples had forgotten to bring any food. They had only one loaf of bread with them in the boat. . . they began to argue with each other because they hadn’t brought any bread. Jesus knew what they were saying, so he said, “Why are you arguing about having no bread? Don’t you know or understand even yet? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? ‘You have eyes—can’t you see? You have ears—can’t you hear?’ Don’t you remember anything at all? When I fed the 5,000 with five loaves of bread, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up afterward?”
“Twelve,” they said.
“And when I fed the 4,000 with seven loaves, how many large baskets of leftovers did you pick up?”
“Seven,” they said.
“Don’t you understand yet?” he asked them.” Mark 8:14,16-21 His followers had not only forgotten food, they had forgotten that he would generously provide for their needs.
Nothing is too small for him to care about.
“What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7
He has good, big plans for us.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
“O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.” Psalm 40:5
He formed us and he persistently draws us toward him and forward to become the person he intends us to be.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10
When he draws us, he is beckoning us to come join him in the next step. He shows us what to do and then gives us the power to do it.
“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Philippians 2:13