“Hey, Honey, you don’t have any idea where our wedding photos are, do you?”

 It’s our 47^th anniversary today (Monday) and I’m beating myself up because our wedding photos are nowhere to be found. Husband is kind and offers to help me look for them.  We go to our well house where many photos are randomly stored in plastic totes on high shelves.  (Time to organize?!)  But nope.  No wedding photos.  Honestly, they were pathetic to begin with.  Two college students didn’t have the money to hire a wedding photographer and my cousin had a decent camera.  The trouble began when said cousin forgot to exchange his wide angle lens for a normal lens before the ceremony.  Oh, well.  Friends contributed their snapshots so we had a few photos to put in a cheap album whose plastic pages eventually stuck to the faded prints.  The good news is that our marriage survived much better than our wedding photos.

So what factors contributed to 47 married years?  (and we even still like each other!)

I can tell you what it wasn’t.  

It wasn’t because both of us are so nice that we just got along famously all the time.
It wasn’t because we had good counseling going into marriage.
It wasn’t because I had a healthy family as role models.
It wasn’t because we’re both laid back with easy-going personalities.
It wasn’t because we had angelic children.
It wasn’t because we never had financial or health struggles.
It wasn’t because Husband had low-pressure jobs.
It wasn’t because I never held a grudge.
It wasn’t because Husband never had a temper problem.
It wasn’t because having six children was all hugs and smooth sailing.
It wasn’t because we had deep roots and a strong support system or family close by to back us up.
It wasn’t because Husband and I had a lot in common.  
It wasn’t because we find it easy to work together.
It wasn’t because we don’t have strong, often differing, opinions.
It wasn’t because I never replayed hurts.
It wasn’t because I was never dissatisfied with what life gave us.
It wasn’t because I was naturally inclined to be wise, thoughtful, and patient.
It wasn’t because we shared similar backgrounds.

I can tell you what did contribute to our 47 years.

It was the magnificent mercy of God.
It was choosing to not give up.
It was God’s grace that pulled us through the rocky places when we wanted to give up.
It was the Scriptures that taught us how to treat each other.  Love, forgiveness, patience, respect.
It was learning to speak honestly and clearly, but not hurtfully.

It was the example of godly people older than us who showed us what happy marriages look like.
It was overlooking the little irritations.
It was believing God’s plan is marriage for life.
It was having compassion as one flawed human being for another flawed human being.  
It was that we shared a deep, common faith in Jesus.
It was deciding to pray together every day.
It was going to bed together and getting up together.  (I know it isn’t always possible with some couples’ work schedules, but it was our one time in the day to be alone together without kids or duties.  It has been a huge help to our relationship emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.)
It was serving and sacrificing for the other gladly.
It was respecting the other, not because they always deserved it, but because we respected the marriage.
It was reading to each other daily.  Scripture, good books, interesting articles.
It was because there was a clear chain of command which minimized competition.
It was because Husband listened to my opinion, but took the responsibility for making major decisions.
It was making time to be alone together every single day to talk and pray.  (See above- going to bed together.)

It was because Husband always provided and protected to the best of his ability without complaining.
It was because I learned to stop the replay tape and honestly deal with the issues head-on.  
It was because I stopped considering him the enemy and worked on being a willing team member.
It was accepting and even celebrating our different interests, giftings, personalities, likes, strengths, weaknesses.  Opposites do attract and they make a mighty good whole.
It was learning to say, “Thank you,” often.  Both to God and each other.
It was learning to say, “I’m sorry,” quickly.  Both to God and each other.
It was learning to be content in our circumstances when I’d rather complain and resist.
It was trusting the Lord when we couldn’t understand the why or the how.
It was talking over spiritual questions, hang-ups, and doubts.
It was being honest.  With each other and God.
It was God.

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