Confession: I wrote this last Mother’s Day.
Please humor me by re-reading if you’ve already read it last year. The advice bears repeating. If you’re a newer subscriber, please humor me by reading these tidbits and forgive me for forgetting that it’s Mother’s Day this week and I should have written a new helpful blog about it!
Beware of the poison of Mother’s Day. Yes, there is an insidious enemy lurking around on Mother’s Day who offers us mothers a lethal poison. It comes in a pretty bottle, but if we swallow it, it will wreck our relationships and make us miserable. This poison is “Expectations”.
We, women, tend to be visionaries. We see what could be and try to make it happen. This is often good and necessary. But when it comes to envisioning what others should do for us, it sets us up for disappointment. If we are passive, we become bitter that others didn’t give us what we wanted. If we are aggressive, we manipulate others to get what we want, but end up empty because we get the things we want but not the love we want.
Every human being wants to be loved and valued. It’s the way we’re wired. But expecting or demanding love is self-defeating. We can’t force our family to love us. Of course, we women desire loving affirmation that our children and spouse love and appreciate us. But that may not happen, or at least not in ways that we would prefer.
By keeping expectations low, and appreciating any displays of affection we do get, we can navigate the murky waters of holidays. By cultivating the habit of gratitude for even small things, we magnify our enjoyment. We shouldn’t wish for more, but always be grateful for all we have. We can’t allow, “If only,” to rob us of delight in what we do have. May our minds dwell on the incredible blessings we have been given. (If you can read this blog, you’ve been hugely blessed: eyesight, health, education, and finances available to have a computer and internet.)
So how do we guarantee ourselves a Happy Mother’s Day? By finding happiness in giving and by being grateful.
Finding happiness in giving is the eternal paradox; we find our lives by giving ours away, we find happiness not by getting, but by giving. Let’s spend our efforts not in demanding time and attention from our families, but in giving to our families and those who are reminded of loss this Mother’s Day. Some hurting women and men are mourning the death of their mother, realizing they are completely on their own without back-up. Some are grieving over the loss of hope that they will ever have a mother who truly loves them. Even a small kindness from someone who cares will make a difference for these hurting souls.
I’ve been thinking of family and friends who may be headed for a sad Mother’s Day. On my list is a single mom with young children, a friend with wounds from a mom who mothered poorly, a friend who at fourteen lost her mother, a friend whose adult children don’t always remember her on Mother’s Day, and even a young friend who desperately wants to be a mother but has infertility issues. I hope I can make a small difference in their Mother’s Day.
“Whatever you want people to do for you, do the same for them.” Jesus. Quoted in Luke 6:31.
“’Giving gifts is more satisfying than receiving them.” Or “it’s more happy-making to give than to receive.” The literal translation of a quote of Jesus’ words in Acts 20:35.
Being grateful is such a balm for the soul. I try to remember each day to be thankful for small and big things. My husband often prays with me just before we fall asleep (ok, sometimes he falls asleep while praying) and thanks God for the good things that happened that day. It’s human nature to be habitual about asking God for things, but forgetting to thank Him when he showers us with favor and blessings. I want to be constantly looking for things to be thankful for. Yesterday I was grateful in the moment for a patch of blue in an otherwise gray sky and rosebushes (no blooms yet, but bulging buds) outside the window of a restaurant where I was thoroughly enjoying delicious pho Vietnamese soup with my precious husband. We had just received less than great health news, but we chose to enjoy all the good things we do have including our relationship. We were especially grateful for the happy news that a young couple in our church whom we love are buying the parcel of ground next to ours. Big and small things enjoyed more fully because we were looking for blessings that caused us to say, “Thank you, Lord, for your sweet care.”
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation… For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” The apostle Paul’s comment on how he lives life when things are going well and when things are hard. Written in his letter to his friends in Philippi. (Philippians 4:12)
“And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Paul’s suggestion to his friends at Ephesus (Ephesians 5:20)
Who do you know who is hurting and needs your love on this Mother’s Day? What big and little things can you be grateful for in the moment and in retrospect today and each day?
P.S. I am beginning to think that it’s better to be pro-active on holidays. Why not call your adult children and engage in pleasant conversation about their lives, instead of being angry or hurt when they don’t call you? Just a thought and probably not appropriate for all situations.