“Don’t talk to me about that!” our granddaughter snapped as she crossed her arms and glared at me several days ago.  Flopping down into a chair, she fumed, “I don’t want to hear about it.”

Our newly six-year-old kindergartner was dreading her solo poem recitation in front of an auditorium of parents just one evening hence.  She had diligently memorized the poem, practiced it -with a microphone, even, but nothing was able to assuage her fears.

“How do I help her, Lord?” I said in my heart.  Then an idea popped into my head.

“I want to tell you some stories about your family.  Did you know that your great-grandfather was an important man?  He had to stand up in front of many people and talk often.  Did you know that your when your sissy was younger, she had the main part in a play at school that all the parents came to?  She did very well.  Did you know that I was in a play in high school?  See, you come from a family that is brave enough to stand up and speak in front of people.”  (I should have included her grandpa, my dear Husband, who stood in front of people to preach for thirteen years!)

She looked at me like I had two heads, but didn’t say much.  The next night she marched up to the microphone in a filled-to-capacity high school auditorium.  (Her grade school wasn’t big enough to hold the crowd.)  Without hesitation, or stumbling she recited the poem perfectly.  She was all smiles when we caught up with her in the hall after the program.  She had done it!  And she was happy about it.  I’m not taking any credit for her excellence and stage presence, let me tell you.  But our conversation got me to thinking about the fear of speaking.

The very next day Husband and I went to our sister-in-law’s father’s uplifting memorial service.  During the reception, some of the man’s grandchildren, specifically, two of our nieces, got up and spoke about his impact on their lives.  They had prepared well.  No ad lib or off the cuff remarks.  Their speeches were well written and heartfelt.  I watched as they struggled to keep their composure.  It reminded me that sometimes speaking is hard to do but important.  And it doesn’t necessarily get easier just because you’re grown up.

Speaking up for yourself

You and I probably aren’t going to have to speak in front of a crowd any time soon.  But isn’t it often just as hard to speak up in front of one?  There are times when it’s important to speak up even if it’s uncomfortable and intimidating.  Depending on your personality and past experiences, you may have trouble speaking up for yourself.  If you don’t have this issue, be thankful and skip this paragraph.  Can I just tell you from personal experience that failing to speak up for yourself is self-defeating and a relationship wrecker?  I am still learning to say what I need clearly without beating around the bush or hoping the other person can read my mind.  For years I was afraid to ask for what I wanted, and because I didn’t ask, I didn’t get, and because I didn’t get, I got resentful.  There are many reasons for our fear of asking.  Perhaps your childhood experiences taught you that you can’t count on others, so why bother asking?  Perhaps you were ignored or humiliated when you asked.  That is in the past.  Step up and speak what you want bravely, unapologetically, and clearly.  Don’t play games, don’t stuff your own needs.  If you don’t speak up, you will remain stuck and will eventually become bitter.  We all have needs.  No apologies necessary.  Make requests.  Draw boundaries.  Require respect because you are worthy of respect.  Remember that people can be selfish, mean, overbearing, rude, and a million other ugly things.  Even when we speak up for ourselves, people will fail us, but our Heavenly Father is caring for us by providing all we need to deal with every circumstance.  We have his strength.  We stand tall.  We push back on fear.

“Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself.”  Philippians 1:28

“Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace . . . I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:6,12-13  Written by Paul, unfairly imprisoned and facing a death sentence.

Speaking up for your Lord

Despite claims of open-mindedness, tolerance, and respect for diversity, our culture is often hostile to those who speak up for Jesus.  It’s easier to keep quiet on matters of faith for fear of offending or enraging others.  I think it needs to be said that in most cases, we have to earn the right to speak to others.  We listen better to a friend than an adversary.  At the memorial service I mentioned earlier, a comment stuck with me.  My sister-in-law’s uncle was reminiscing about his growing up years with his now deceased brother.  He told funny stories about brotherly experiences and then he added a comment about their mother.  What struck me was that the direction of their entire family down to this very moment was changed by a conversation his mother had with a friend.  Her friend boldly told her that she needed to find a church that taught the Bible.  Whew!  Pretty hot topic.  But apparently, the mother trusted her friend because she did change churches and she learned truth that changed her life completely and the lives of her boys. Both boys have served God with all their hearts and influenced others to do the same.  And there we sat surrounded by their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren most of whom love Jesus.  What if that friend hadn’t have been brave enough to have that hard conversation that fateful day?

“So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, either, even though I’m in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News.”  2 Timothy 1:8

Speaking up for others

It’s so easy to be critical of others.  It’s so easy to make a thoughtless remark about someone.  But we haven’t been in their ‘shoes’ – in their circumstances, in their battles, inside their brains.  Sometimes it isn’t even us that said something less than flattering.  Yet we are present in the conversation and stand by not saying anything to defend them or turn the conversation.  It may take a simple comment like, “We don’t know what they were up against.”  Or, “She’s fighting battles I haven’t had to.”  Or, “I don’t always get it right, either.”

“Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,
speaking the truth from sincere hearts.
Those who refuse to gossip
or harm their neighbors
or speak evil of their friends.”  Psalm 15:2-3