There they sat yesterday. Three side by side on the side of the hospital bed. Dear Husband on one side, his dying father in the middle, and his sister on the other side. His dad had insisted on being sat up on the side of the bed with his feet on the floor. Dear Husband was sitting with Dad with his arm behind him, supporting him. But Dad wasn’t satisfied with just sitting with his firstborn son. Dad weakly motioned and told his daughter to sit on his other side. So there they were. Dad hunched and leaning precariously forward, but content because his kids were scrunched up on either side of him. All were happy to be close. It brought tears to my eyes because of the sweetness. Shared love, and shared faith knowing that God is with them through the darkest valley.

There they sat this morning and every morning, both old and bent, but after 77 years of marriage, still holding hands.  These days the holding costs them.  Mom can’t get comfortable, scrunched up to Dad’s hospital bed.  But she still holds his hand.  Sweetness in the darkest valley.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley, (or the valley of the shadow of death)
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me” Psalm 23:1,4

If you’re old like me, you may have memorized the twenty-third psalm as a child. If so, you probably learned “. . . even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” Later translations word it “. . . Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” Whichever translation you use, the meaning is the same. The Hebrew word means shadow, deepest darkness, gloom. For most, the deepest darkness is when we look into the black hole of death. But we don’t have to let that blackness make us afraid. We aren’t alone, God is with us in the darkest valley!

There have been many sweet moments in the middle of the wrenching pain of watching a loved one die. We’ve been amazed at Dad’s good humor most of the time. And no matter what, he is always kind to his nurses and the staff at the assisted living. He is glad to have his family with him and he’s telling them so. He keeps apologizing for causing us inconvenience. He asks the same questions, and usually accepts the answers. All this in spite of not being able to sleep except a few hours in twenty-four, having frequent hallucinations, and not being able to eat or drink. He is still a good, loving man in the darkest valley.

Since dear Husband’s sister flew in to be with her father, we’ve had precious time together. Right now, she’s taking turns staying up all night with Dad. Dear Husband, and our caring daughter are rotating nights on duty. Then we rotate day care as well. The facility has been so attentive and kind, but we need to be present at all times to comfort Dad in his confusion. A hand on his, a word of clarity, talk of happier days-both past and future, a hymn, reminding him that Jesus is waiting, laughing about funny things in the past, thanking him for forming them into the people they are now, expressing and receiving love. All this made sweeter because of being in the darkest valley.

Dear Husband has been saying that this is a hard time, but he wouldn’t want to miss it. Being from that generation, Dad didn’t verbally say, “I love you.” much. But now he is saying it. He always proved his love with his constant provision and presence, mentoring them in so many useful skills. But saying it didn’t come easy for him. Now it does, in the darkest valley.

He still has a good sense of humor. When his daughter told him he was the best dad ever, he quipped, “Well, there must have been a lot of really bad dads.” Of course he wasn’t perfect, but he poured himself into his kids and other people’s kids, too. He sacrificed daily for his family. He and Mom saved for their kids when they could barely provide necessities for themselves. Even as adults, we were the recipients of so much of their generosity. They loaned us money to buy a business when we returned to the U.S. after serving overseas for ten years. But while we were getting the business going, we couldn’t afford to buy meat for our large family. So Dad provided enough venison for us all to have meat every day during that first winter. That winter he also provided firewood to keep us warm. We eventually repaid the loan, but we can never repay their care, gifts, and prayers. Like the college graduation gift that made the down payment on our first house, or the day they showed up to help us lay sod even though they were in their retirement years. Or the time they took our first two young children on a beach trip and had to call us at midnight because our daughter was crying for mom and dad and wouldn’t sleep. We had to make a wee-hour rendezvous to bring her home, yet they didn’t complain about a wrecked holiday.

And those are just a very few of my memories; there were unnumbered other things they did for us, not to mention the unselfish ways they helped their other two kids, continuing when their kids married and had children of their own whom they loved. And now they’re loving their great-grandchildren. One of our granddaughters who lives a distance away visited them a few days ago. She told me how surprised she was that great-grandma knew things that were going on in her life. (Even though Mom had only known about them through us. It was amazing that Mom was able to focus on her great-granddaughter in spite of her sadness in the darkest valley.)

So why do they show such unselfishness? Not one of us, even the ‘good’ ones, naturally think of others as much as we think of ourselves. We all have the instinct to look out for #1. They sincerely tried to obey God’s rules to love God and their neighbor. They leaned into doing to others what we want done to us. They fully enjoyed what God gave them by his blessing and their own hard work. And they enjoyed giving to others of their time and resources just as much.

But even the most well-intentioned of us fall short on the loving others thing. So they depended on God to help them show up for others. They got strength from reading the Bible every day and praying for others.
And now in the darkest valley, they are reaping the results of their selfless lives. There has been a steady stream of visitors- family, both closely related and distantly, and friends. Mom has great peace that Dad is going home to Jesus. Dad is glad for the loving care of his children and granddaughter. Well-lived lives are a beautiful thing to see! Soon they both will be rewarded eternally for their lifelong faithfulness even in the darkest valley.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley, (or the valley of the shadow of death)
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me”   Psalm 23:1,4