Ever had a wake-up moment?  I had one when a battered old pick-up pulled into our church parking lot on a weekday when I was working on a project.  I happened to be outside when the dust from the gravel parking lot settled and two women in worn straw hats and faded work clothes got out of the truck.  My unfiltered reaction was, “Yikes!  What do those people want here?” Suddenly, I looked past the worn truck and clothing and saw the sweet faces of two friends whom I very much respect.  I was ready to judge and write off two very capable, kind, well-educated women simply on the basis of what they were driving and wearing.  Shame on me.

We all judge by outward appearances.  I don’t want my appearance to drown out my words.  As an older woman, I don’t want to let my appearance turn others off before we can establish a relationship and have meaningful conversations. Looking well-groomed isn’t just for us, it’s for everyone in our lives. We all fear aging- the loss of beauty, mental acuity, and physical strength. So we all need older women in our lives who show us how to both accept limitations and live above them. We all need to be encouraged that age doesn’t have to cancel us.  We need to see older women engaged in the lives of others, serving, loving, patiently hoping, good-naturedly joking, enjoying life despite hard circumstances, appreciating blessings, looking their best, and being positive despite challenges.  I respect a certain friend who is about 10 years older than I am.  It delights me to see her take the time to dress attractively, and even creatively for holidays and seasons.  She trusted me to do portraits of her and her beloved husband a few years ago.  As part of the session planning, I go to my clients’ homes and help them pick out clothing that photographs well.  I was not at all surprised to find her closet well-organized and her clothing well-maintained.  She isn’t vain, she just values beauty and puts effort into keeping their clothes tasteful and in good condition.  She also puts time and effort into cooking healthy meals to maintain good health and weight for her husband and herself. Besides taking good care of herself and her husband, she is constantly available to help with whatever needs to be done at our church.  Cleaning up the kitchen after a potluck meal,  making beautiful displays for the front of the church, coordinating volunteers, and serving meals at the community senior center.  All this encourages me that there’s hope for me in ten years!  I’m so thankful she’s on the path ahead of me modeling godliness and balance.

What’s on the inside either uglifies or beautifies us.  An older lady I know who isn’t skilled in doing her hair or putting together cohesive outfits is still lovely to me because of her smile and her eagerness to help others in practical ways.  Another older woman I briefly met looked like she stepped out of a magazine.  Her shoes and handbag matched, and her jewelry was the latest.  She was wearing the current style.  She was trim and fit. But this picture-perfect appearance was completely marred by her fixation on herself.  During an hour and a half conversation, she had talked exclusively (and exhaustively!) about herself.  As I walked her out to her car, she asked her first question, “What did you say your name is?”.  I had been impressed with her outward appearance until her inner person showed itself.  No matter how attractive your clothing, makeup, or poise is, they can’t hide self-centeredness and disinterest in others.

A woman who impacted me as a young teen was our pastor’s wife.  I think she was about 60 when I first met her.  Every Sunday, her caregiver would help her get to the lawn chaise in the back of the sanctuary.  There she would recline during the service.  As a young newlywed many years previous, she had a serious stroke that left her crippled and weak.  Yet, at the close of each service, she was helped to the back door. Propped up against the door jamb, body bent, and face sagging on one side, she greeted each person as they exited.  She looked each one of us in the eye, smiled, and shook hands.  Her twisted body made her incapable of doing much, but every one of us knew that she cared.  As a bonus, she always looked pretty despite her distorted face and body.  She was doing all she could with what she had.

As a thirteen-year-old, our Bible class was taught by my friend’s mother.  I remember looking at her clean, trimmed nails on soft hands which nervously grasped the little lectern.  I knew it wasn’t easy for her to stand in front of a bunch of junior high girls, but she showed up every Sunday well prepared and ready to teach young girls who needed to learn about the Bible.  I can remember admiring her neat appearance.  Although not a petite woman, she was feminine and the picture of a gentlewoman of the era.  Her hair was neatly in place and framed a gentle face always ready to smile. And now, sixty years later, I still treasure her memory.  It’s a reminder that we women are being watched by the girls in our circle of influence who are gathering data about what it means to be a mature woman.  Now that I’m the old lady, I’m motivated to show up as the best version of myself for our granddaughters and the teen girls at church.  They are watching.

When people see you and watch your life, are they likely to be encouraged and give thanks to God?  Or are they repelled by your shallow fixation on yourself?  Do they cringe because you haven’t done what you could with what you have?  Or are they distracted by your trying too hard?  I’ve had to do some soul searching lately regarding my attitude toward my aging appearance.  Instead of bemoaning the deterioration, I’m learning to work on the things that can be improved and accept what can’t.  Others are watching.  I want them to see an older lady who is showing up in the best way she’s capable of to serve and love.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.”  1 Corinthians 10:31-33