Recently a dear friend and I were commiserating with each other over our heartache for family members who have turned away from faith. If you’re like us, some people you love have shut God out of their lives. Our hearts ache for them. We may wonder why they can’t see what they’re missing by ignoring God. We might try to understand what led them to become so calloused. We think, “Why can’t they realize that their lives would be so much better with God?” Yet we know God allows us to choose whether to love and obey him or not. He doesn’t force us. Nor can we force anyone. Love has to be a choice or it isn’t love.

“This day . . . I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life. . .”  Deuteronomy 30:19-20. Moses’ last charge to his people before he died.

Since ancient times some have used their God-given right to choose to push away the very Person who gave them the choice. The Old Testament record is full of bad choices. In fact, before Isaiah even began his assignment as prophet, God warned him that his people would be:
“. . . ever hearing, but never understanding;

ever seeing, but never perceiving.’

This people’s heart has become calloused;

they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.” Isaiah 6:9-10

So what should be our attitude when someone we love doesn’t want God in their life? I know that wringing my hands, or trying to think of ways to convince them hasn’t been productive. I also know that being frustrated doesn’t help them or me. If I’m honest, often I don’t even have the faith to pray for them because outward signs indicate their hearts have grown harder and harder. I know that I can’t shipwreck my faith because of their lack of faith. So I fall into the arms of the God I know from Scripture who wants all to come to him. But he knows that many will not and he gives them the choice. I have to be at peace that this gracious God offers himself, but doesn’t demand. If he honors the right of people to refuse him, then I have to also. In other words, I have to let go. It’s between God and them.

I often think of what Moses said to his beloved brother, Aaron, who was the chief priest with the job of helping people be right with God. On this day, two of Aaron’s sons had died while on duty at the Tabernacle, representing God to the people. They had stubbornly insisted on doing things their way, which was forbidden by God. They were spiritual leaders rebelling against God in front of the people. By misusing their position, they were misleading the people. God had to put a stop to it for the sake of the people, so he took the rebels’ lives.  At first, it seemed so harsh to me. The truth is that we have to let God be God. We have to trust that he does the right thing. The best thing. And that he knows and sees what we cannot. We have peace when we rest in his righteousness because he is never wrong.

“Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu took their censers, put fire in them and added incense; and they offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, contrary to his command. So fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.” Leviticus 10:1-2

The very thing they used to rebel, killed them. Following their violent deaths, Moses, the men’s uncle, said what seems harsh.

“Moses then said to Aaron, “This is what the Lord spoke of when he said:
“‘Among those who approach me
I will be proved holy;
in the sight of all the people
I will be honored.’”
Aaron remained silent.” Leviticus 10:3

Moses stated God’s purpose for the tragedy and then commanded Aaron not to leave his job as God’s ambassador.  There is a high standard of obedience for spiritual leaders and high requirements for service.

“Then Moses said to Aaron and his sons Eleazar and Ithamar, “Do not let your hair become unkempt and do not tear your clothes [customary mourning practices], or you will die and the Lord will be angry with the whole community.  Do not leave the entrance to the tent of meeting or you will die, because the Lord’s anointing oil is on you.” So they did as Moses said.” Leviticus 10:6-7

Moses commanded Aaron and his two living sons not to leave their post as priests between God and the people even though two family members had just died. Aaron wasn’t allowed to show his grief publicly by outward signs of mourning because it would have looked like he was finding fault with God and he would be defacing his priestly uniform.  He had to continue to serve despite his loss, carrying out his responsibility to the people. This included the sin offering on behalf of the people to take away their guilt and make atonement for them before the Lord. So they obediently did their work of service as they were commanded.

God had given the priests the right to eat the meat of the sacrifice to sustain them. This day, however, they didn’t take advantage of this privilege. They fasted instead, refraining from food to express their grief privately and in a way that didn’t interfere with their service. They had continued to do their duty to God and the people in spite of broken hearts, knowing God understood their pain.

“Why didn’t you eat the sin offering in the sanctuary area? It is most holy; it was given to you to take away the guilt of the community by making atonement for them before the Lord …you should have eaten the goat in the sanctuary area, as I commanded.”
Aaron replied to Moses, “Today they [his two remaining sons] sacrificed their sin offering and their burnt offering before the Lord, but such things as this have happened to me [the death of his two sons]. Would the Lord have been pleased if I had eaten the sin offering today?” When Moses heard this, he was satisfied.” Leviticus 10:17-20

The moral of the story is that God is the only Judge who never makes a mistake. We cannot argue with his decisions. We can’t throw in the towel and quit doing what we need to do when our loved ones mess up. We must accept the choices our loved ones make and we must accept whatever consequences come from those choices. We keep doing the work God has given us to do no matter what our emotions are doing. That doesn’t mean we can’t feel the pain and mourn our losses. God completely understands our broken hearts and doesn’t want us to pretend we don’t feel pain. He wants us to keep obeying in spite of our pain.  Like Aaron, like Isaiah, like Jesus.

Images created with Ai and my additions and corrections.