A reader wrote me a very insightful observation after reading my blog on how I felt the presence of the Good Shepherd when he spared the lives of two of our babies. She made such a good point that I want to address it briefly. Here’s what she wrote:
“God is near to the brokenhearted, always. Sometimes He doesn’t heal or revive. Sometimes we will never know why our prayers were not answered. I am glad your prayers were answered, but also weep for all those who lost children despite fervently, passionately, and faithfully calling out to the Lord.”
She is, of course, completely right. We don’t always get what we pray for. (And I should have pointed that out.) The pain is intense when we lose a loved one despite begging God to spare them. Some faith groups claim that our requests aren’t granted because we lack enough faith. However, that isn’t what the Bible says. God’s Word has heartbreaking stories of requests that weren’t granted. In no way was it the fault of the prayer. God’s will in all its mysteriousness was to allow the pain and not grant the request. We can respond to his ’No’ with humble submission, choosing to accept his will even when it clashes with our own. Or we can become miserable, bitter people stamping our feet and accusing God of wrongdoing.
King David prayed earnestly that God would spare his baby’s life. He fasted, praying earnestly for mercy. But God didn’t grant his request. David’s baby died.
“David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground.
On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”
David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.
“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”
He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:16-23
Part of prayer is submission. It’s good to ask for what we want. But we must ask for what God wants above what we want. We don’t demand things from God. We make our requests while affirming God’s sovereign rule.
“Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” Matthew 6:10. (how Jesus taught us to pray)
Jesus quoted from Psalm 40 when he declared, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
I have come to do your will, my God.”
His whole purpose was to do what God wanted. Yet, the cost was high. He had to give his life. He dreaded the suffering and so he made a request to be delivered, but tempered it with his highest desire- doing God’s will. And although the Father couldn’t spare him, Jesus’ prayer for God’s will to be done was answered.
“My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Matthew 26:39
“He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Matthew 26:42
“So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again.” Matthew 26:44
Every human being wants to avoid pain. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask God to spare us pain, whether it’s physical, or emotional pain. But we have to submit to his all-knowing will. Our submission shows that we want to be obedient more than we want our way. This is hard in the present moment, but pays off every time. If God wills for us to endure pain, it will turn out to be for our greater benefit. And the benefit of others, too. I can personally attest to this. When I was sixteen my mother became ill with a serious disease. Of course I prayed for her to recover. However, she died. Even though God didn’t answer my prayer, he gave me the strength to live with different friends and teachers until a longer-term living situation was arranged. And he provided for me when I had to move away from everything familiar to live with relatives in another city. There he provided good friends that welcomed me into their lives. None of it was what I prayed for, but it was part of his plan to prepare me for my adult life of leaving the familiar to live in various parts of the US and Asia, 29 moves in all. And in each place he faithfully provided dear friends and met our needs completely.
The idea of submissive prayer applies not only to our tragedies but to our hopes, plans and hard work. I love this prayer of Abraham’s faithful servant who had been entrusted with the mission of finding and bringing back a wife for Abraham’s son, Isaac, from their former homeland far away. Notice the humble request, “if you will.” The servant acknowledged his complete dependence on God. He recognized that the outcome was in God’s hands. He had done his part, but he couldn’t orchestrate the right woman coming to the spring, nor could he alone convince her to go back with him as a bride for Isaac.
“When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come.” Genesis 24:42
This faithful servant is our example as we make plans and work hard to accomplish them. We can only do so much. Many things are outside our control. Only God can grant us success. Every breath we breathe, every beat of our heart is by God’s mercy. And so are the outcomes of our plans and work.
“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15