As we were leaving a dear friend’s house a few days ago, she handed me a jar of her delicious homemade pickled beets and kindly offered, “I could teach you how to make these.” My brain raced. I wanted to spend time with her, and I didn’t want to appear lazy. But my body struggles to cook three simple meals a day, how could I spend hours standing in her kitchen? Because she loves me and is gentle I knew I could decline her sweet offer. But in the not-too-distant past if I had been in the same situation with a pushy person, I would have made some vague commitment I didn’t intend to keep. I’m learning to respect my own limits and the limits of others. I’m learning that God, in his good plan, gave me a limited amount of resources for which I am accountable. I’m learning that he did the same for those around me. I’m learning that I can’t do it all and what I do must be my top priorities. I’m learning that honesty is better than pretending. Being ‘nice’ and accomodating was an early survival tactic I learned in my difficult younger years. (It isn’t wrong to accomodate, but it should be a loving, sacrificial choice that is for the good of another, not a forced, stuff-your-needs-desperate-to-keep-peace tactic for your own sake.)

I’m finding out that in order to do my own jobs well, I have to say ’No,’ a lot. I have to say ’no’ to things I love to do that sap physical strength from the things I know God has given me to do. I don’t cook time intensive meals before family comes to visit because I want to be able to enjoy them without being distracted by pain. I have to say ‘no’ to things that divert my time away form the most important things. I don’t schedule anything for the days and times I study for and write this blog even though there are often things I’d like to do at those times. I don’t try to do projects alone, but instead, delegate to other capable people. I’m learning not to feel guilty, apologize for, or justify my ‘no’s’.

I’m meditating on the Scriptures which have a lot to say about staying in our own lane and doing what God gave us the resources to do. It’s clear that God endowed each person with what they need to do his work. And he commands us not to compare or try to be something we aren’t. We must concentrate on doing well what we’ve been given to do. We can’t concern ourselves with what others are doing or even what others ask us to do that is outside our God-given tasks. We have to keep focused on the goal.

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” Galations 6:4

I’m learning what is my responsibility and what isn’t. I’m learning where my job stops and other people’s begin. I can’t do it all, nor did God ever intend me to. Others are gifted and I need to respect their gifts and make room for them to exercise and grow in them.

“There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. . . It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have. The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit . . . our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it.” 1 Corinthians 12:5-7, 11-13, 18

I’m learning that I can’t fix other people, but I can work on fixing myself with God’s help. I’m learning to speak up when a family member interrupts or speaks harshly. I’m learning to unaplogetically admit my needs. I’m learning to clearly ask for what I need or want and be alert to other’s unspoken needs who don’t yet ask for themselves. If the request can’t be met, I can look elsewhere. I can quit trying so hard to make some friendships work. I’m responsible for my own happiness. For many years this all sounded very selfish, but life has taught me that if I don’t protect and respect myself I won’t be able to fully serve my family or God.

Before David became king, he served King Saul to the best of his ability. But selfish Saul became murderously jealous of him and so he had to end the relationship and gather around him those who supported and respected him.
Moses was guilty of trying to do it all until his father-in-law warned him he was headed for burn-out and suggested he delegate some of his responsibilities for his sake and the sake of his people.
God gave Jeremiah a ‘hard head’ so that he could block out the disrespectful treatment he got from his people and continue doing his job of declaring God’s message to a rebellious people.
God gave Isaiah and Paul assistants to help them by writing down God’s words as the Spirit revealed them.

We may need to be determined and push through, or detach from unhealthy relationships, or delegate to others who are capable in order to accomplish the tasks God has given us.  We know he will provide what we need to do our part. Although we’re ‘doing our thing’ by using the gifts God has sovereignly given us, we are never Lone Rangers. We are made to work in community with others doing what they were equipped to do so that by working in unity we can accomplish God’s work on this earth. (I just realized that the word ‘community’ has the word ‘unity’ in it!)