A friend’s 45-year-old daughter was the primary caregiver for her dearly loved father-in-law during his years-long illness. Since he died six weeks ago she has been experiencing serious physical symptoms that mirror her emotional state. Her doctor called it Broken Heart Syndrome when he had to drain a liter of fluid from around her heart where there should have been a tablespoon. It seems that her heart was weeping with her.

Transitions are tricky. Change is challenging.

On a very mundane note: this is the time of year that we in the Pacific Northwest stand at the mouth of the tunnel of gloom as I call it. We’re about to enter a period of rain and grey skies that generally stretch from October until June. I dread saying ‘goodbye’ to sunny days and blue skies for the better part of 8 months. For a girl who grew up in Transylvania- just kidding, my friends used to tease that I must come from Transylvania because my maiden name is Falkenstein- actually, I’m from Pennsylvania where there are four distinct seasons. Living in the PNW has been quite a transition. Not only were my growing-up years spent with regular periods of sunshine in each season, but dear Husband and I and our kids lived in the tropics for ten years where no day passed without sunshine. Following that period, we lived for ten years in the high desert where the sun loves to shine even on a good snowpack. After several years back in the gloom, we moved to the mid-South for ten years where sunshine was taken for granted. Now it’s been almost eight years of gloomy Falls, Winters, and Springs. Of course, there are periods of sunshine during those long months, but nothing we can really count on. So here I am along with the other transplants (native Oregonians think nothing of this dreary, cold, dampness) standing at the mouth of the tunnel and trying not to shiver in dread and run away in panic.

Transitions can be tricky. They remind us of our human frailty. We figure out how to handle one circumstance and then (sometimes suddenly), we have to figure out how to deal with a different set of circumstances. Change is usually hard. Even change for the better requires us to shift. As is often said, ‘We’re creatures of habit.’ Breaking habits involves trading our past way of thinking for a new way. And in the case of a change we didn’t want, the transition is even harder.
Changes in locations- whether it’s a move across town or across the world this transition is tricky. It might be moving for work, a better opportunity, or simply a bigger or smaller house. It may involve a new job, friends, church, doctors, and shopping. It usually requires adaptability, patience, lots of effort, and living outside our comfort zone. I speak from the experience of 36 moves, give or take…some transcontinental, some trans-Pacific, and some from one side of town to another.
Changes in relationships- Over our lifetimes, our roles change in big and little ways as we relate to others. A dating relationship changes to marriage which involves a shift in priorities, leadership, and schedules. A new baby is added to the household and roles shift, kids leave the dependent years and start taking responsibilities and making choices, an elderly parent needs care, a dearly loved spouse or parent dies. Each change requires adaptability, patience, lots of effort, and discomfort.
Changes in health- Did I hear a sigh from the readers who are my age?! How we deal with pain and limitations are a challenging transition we are likely to face sooner or later. Or at the very least we face these changes in family members.

Ten Tips to Triumph in Transitions

1. Accept the present reality. Be honest about your struggles. Be grateful for the good memories, but don’t live in the past. When sad memories arise, refuse to let regret eat our peace. Leave our burdens at the scarred feet of Jesus. He understands. “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew11:28

2.  Picture the happy, unchanging goal of our faith- being with Jesus in Heaven, and realizing we’re with him, or rather, he’s with us each step till we get there.   ^“But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior.  He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.”  Philippians 3:20-21

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.  There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.  When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.”  John 14:1-2,3 

3.  Don’t borrow tomorrow’s trouble. Trust that God will give us all that we need because he cares about us and delights in us. Don’t let dread steal today’s enjoyments.

“So don’t worry about these things. . . your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”  Matthew 6:31-32,34

4.  Plan and set goals that keep our eyes forward in hope, not backward at the past, or around us at present difficulties. Set systems in place (new habits) that will make us productive in this new phase.   

“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”  Philippians 3:13-14

5.  Rest in God. No matter what else changes, our loving God doesn’t change. We are secure in his steadfast love and care in spite of our ups and downs.
“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. For he remembered his holy promise.” Psalm 105:4,42

6.  Be others oriented. Think of ways to meet the needs of others. Taking our eyes off our own problems and doing what we can to help others be happy is the best way to be happy ourselves.
“You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed (more happy-making) to give than to receive.’ ”  Acts 20:35

^“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”  Philippians 2:3-4

7.  Be quick to share what the Lord has done/is doing for you.
“Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story- some sat in darkness. . . he saved, he rescued, he delivered. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds.” Psalm 107

8.  Be grateful for and savor small delights. Getting outdoors and moving our bodies to whatever degree is possible clears our minds and reminds us of simple pleasures in creation – a bird, a tree, even raindrops on a leaf. Send up a Thank You as you sip a hot drink or laugh at a silly photo. Gratitude and laughter are balms for our bodies and souls.

“But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me.”  Psalm 50:23

9.  Talk to those you love. Express your love and appreciation to your loved ones and friends. (And even in casual interactions with service providers express your appreciation.) Everyone wants to be told they’re loved and appreciated! And it often comes back to us. 

“So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart.  God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:6,8  (Paul expressing his sincere love for a church.)

10.  Focus on the LORD. Keep up a running conversation with him. Thank him for big and little things. Ask for guidance. Pray for others. Sing or listen to godly music. Read the Bible and think about it while doing chores. If at all possible, attend church services in person. Being with other believers is spiritually and emotionally invigorating.  “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace ”  Philippians 4:6-7. “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”  Hebrews 10:25

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