Dear Readers, This month marks five years since this blog began during which to my knowledge I haven’t missed a week.  But I got to eat some humble pie this week!  You didn’t receive this blog at the normal time because there was a technical glitch in my send-out software.   I simply couldn’t make it work no matter how hard I tried.  Goes to show that we can’t take anything for granted!  Thanks for your patience!

One of our daughters told me a sad story about a very close friend of hers.  This adult friend had a mother who gave up on life and spent her days in bed becoming obese and ruining her health.  She checked out of being a mother and became a recluse while other family members did the best they could in her absence.  As an adult, our daughter’s friend found evidence that she had been sexually molested as a young child. In her parents’ home, she found photos of herself at a very young age dressed inappropriately.  The photos had been taken by an adult man that she has vague memories of from early childhood. 

So you may be thinking that the mother is the woman’s sad story.  But, actually, the woman, herself, is making the problem present tense instead of past tense.  The woman is consumed with hate for her mother.  This simmering hatred is manifesting as rage toward others in her life who aren’t guilty of wrong-doing.  It is also showing up as self-destructive behavior.  For several days, our daughter was unable to contact her friend.  Worried, our daughter finally went to her friend’s house.  Since she had a key, she let herself in and found her friend in bed with the curtains drawn although it was daytime.  She had been in bed for several days.  Our daughter was horrified because she saw that her friend was turning into her mother- hiding in her bedroom, gaining weight, refusing to have contact with others.  We could blame the friend’s depression on isolation because Covid restrictions prevented her getting out and interacting with people in her normal way.  But this circumstance didn’t cause her depression, it multiplied it.  The underlying issue was that her friend had been unable to forgive her mother.  Unforgiveness takes us to dark places where we, ourselves, cannot feel forgiven for our own wrongs.  In forgiving others, we are freed from our own guilt.

I’m sure that the friend never intended to become angry, depressed, and overweight.  I’m sure it crept up on her.  The day she found the photos she was rightfully angry.  She became angrier when her parents refused to discuss it with her.  Her anger caused her to cut off all communication with them.  I’m guessing that in the days, weeks, and months following she mulled over her hurt and her parents’ sins against her.  I wonder if she ever considered forgiving and putting it behind her?  She could have decided not to take revenge, not to hate.  She was never obligated to try to renew a relationship in view of their refusal to admit guilt.  But she could have taken the burden off herself by releasing them from her hatred.  She could have decided one day to let go of the burning anger.  She could have decided to forgive them even tho they haven’t admitted they need to be forgiven.  She could have been free.  She could have been healthy in body and emotions.  Each day presents another chance to choose differently.  I hope she does.  Speaking of each day, we often have to keep forgiving on a daily basis. Every time thoughts of the offense come to mind, we have to release the offender to God.  In this way, those hateful, hurtful thoughts are replaced with God’s love and peace.  

Here’s what we know from Scripture: 

We must not hate those who hurt us.  We must not seek revenge.  God repays each person’s actions.  It isn’t our job.  We don’t wish the person harm, but instead work for their good.
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. . . Do not repay anyone evil for evil. . . Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Deuteronomy 32:35)
 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  (Proverbs 25:21-22
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  Romans 12:14,17-21

We don’t restore relationship until there is repentance on their part.  We pattern our forgiveness after God’s.  God loves the sinner, but he doesn’t draw close until the sinner repents. 
“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

Our prayers aren’t heard while we harbor unforgiveness.
“ But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.“  Mark 11:25

We aren’t forgiven while we harbor unforgiveness.
“But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”  Matthew 6:15

We were forgiven by God, so we should forgive others.
“Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”  Colossians 3:13