It’s Valentines.  Do you feel you have to give or do something for Valentines?  Or do you feel you get to express your love and appreciation?  On the flip side, do you want your spouse to be an order filler?  Simply getting you what you demand in order to keep the peace.  Or do you want a genuine gift from their heart because they delight in expressing their love?   

How do we feel when someone does something kind for us, maybe even gives us a generous gift, but we know they are doing it out of obligation?  On the other hand, how do we feel when someone does a kind thing, even a small gesture, with a loving heart?  

Love is the most powerful force in the universe.  God is love.  He loves us and he wants us to love him.

Obligation forces, but love changes us to being willing and wholehearted.
Duty is strong, but love is stronger.
Rules are rigid taskmasters, but love graciously guides.
Fate is faceless, heartless, and random, but love has a personal, good plan for us.

When asked the most important commands God gave in the Old Testament law, Jesus responded not with the obligatory dietary rules, or the detailed ceremonial law, or even the moral Ten Commandments.  Instead, he cited the loftier, all-encompassing commands to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength.  And love your neighbor as yourself.  The have to’s were surpassed by the get to’s.  Checking off a list of rules can’t compare to offering yourself to God in wholehearted devotion and treating others lovingly.

“Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have opened—
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
 
Then I said, “Here I am . . . 
I desire to do your will, my God”  Psalm 40:6-8

“But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”  1 Samuel 15:24

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22:37-40 quoting Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18

When we say ‘I have to . . .’, we’re slipping into the negative thinking of rule-keeping.  But the ‘I get to . . .’ mindset shifts us into the positive, love motivated realm.  ‘I have to’ is driven by obligation, rules, or bowing to fate.  ‘I get to’ is driven by love.  Because I love, I want to.  I love God, so I get to do what pleases him.  I love others, so I get to help them.  God loves me, so whatever he graciously gives me to do, I get to do.

A dear friend is having surgery this week.  She said she is steering away from saying, “I have to have surgery.”  Instead, she is saying, “I get to have my foot fixed with good medical care.”  She is choosing to remember that God has lovingly placed her in a place and time that she can get skilled medical help.  And she is trusting God with the outcome.

Sometimes we begrudge God our time or effort.  We know he wants us to do a particular thing that doesn’t appeal to us so we tell ourselves that we have to.  It may be a mundane job like cooking meals for our family.  We sigh and force ourselves into the kitchen.  I ‘have to’ cook supper.  Can I be honest?  I spent a lot of years serving meals at the appointed hour ‘on the dot’ out of duty and fear.  I knew there would be hangry repercussions if supper was 5 minutes late.  So I allowed a negative outlook to rob me of joy.  I could have told myself, I ‘get to’ be creative and figure out how to prepare the good food I’ve been blessed with on time and in the most delicious way to keep my family healthy and happy.  God has generously given me bountiful gifts and I show my gratitude by using those gifts with a happy heart to bless my family.

Sometimes we know God wants us to do something we don’t want to do.  I needed to apologize to a friend for a thoughtless, rude answer I had given her.  I thought, I ‘have to’ call her and tell her I’m sorry.   I ‘have to’  humble myself and admit fault.  Actually, I got to call her and restore the relationship.  I got to build our friendship stronger and not tear it down. I got to make her feel appreciated and valued.  God graciously gave me a friend like her and I show my appreciation by honoring my friend with an apology.

Sometimes we know God wants us do something hard.  I ‘have to’ stick my neck out and try something I haven’t done before in my business.  I ‘have to’ be brave and take the risk of asking to rent a conference room to do business headshots.  I ‘have to’ work hard with no guarantee of success.  But actually, I ‘get to’ learn to be brave,  grow in business skills, and improve my bottom line.  God kindly prods me out of my rut so I can experience bigger things.  I’m grateful for his loving concern for my growth, so I cooperate with him.

This week let’s catch ourselves when we slip into the ‘I have to’ attitude.  Let’s ask ourselves how we can change our negative self-talk to a love motivated ‘I get to’ attitude. I love God and he loves me so I get to do this with faith and joy.