A tale of two doctors.

The other day I saw two doctors.  The stark comparison gave me pause.  One doctor entered the room with a gentle presence that immediately calmed our fears.  He looked us in the eye, listened attentively, and treated us with kindness and respect.  His compassion spoke to deep parts of us.

The other doctor hurried into our hospital room without looking at us.  He made a bee line for the computer and shot a few questions at us while staring at the screen.  He didn’t listen well and argued about which side he would be doing the procedure on.  In the couple of minutes he was with us, he checked his phone repeatedly.  

The first doctor made sure we felt seen and heard.  The second doctor didn’t.  He was imprisoned behind a wall of his own making.  He couldn’t get past that wall to connect with his patient.  The wall blocked compassion, kindness, and respect.  And left both of us empty.

So what was the wall that separated us?  It was the wall, not of arrogance, as you may have guessed.  No, it was much more insidious.  It was the self-erected wall of self-focus.  It’s a sneaky form of pride.  We get so self-absorbed, that we cut ourselves off from others and in doing so, impoverish ourselves and others.  Our thoughts are on our job, our problems (of which there are many the more we keep looking inward), our feelings, our needs, our challenges. To the second doctor, we weren’t fellow humans in need of kindness and reassurance.  We were one more procedure to check off before his duties were complete for the day.  

Did you know that connection with others requires humility?  We have to put ourselves aside long enough to focus on the needs of others.  We have to make them  the most important in that moment.  Think of the people you trust, love, and feel good around.  Are they constantly thinking about themselves?   Are they caught up in their own needs?  Do they do all the talking?  No!  They set aside their interests and focus on you.  They ask you about you.  And then they actually listen instead of thinking of what they’re going to say next.  And it goes beyond talk right into helping.  They want your best and they’re willing to sacrifice their own comfort and time to do their part in contributing to your best.  They sometimes have to say hard things for your best, or do hard things in your best interest.  They aren’t helping you to get you to like them.  They’re doing it because their hearts are pulling for you.  They are investing themselves in you.

Humility is considering others more important than our own interests and needs for a time.  Like everything else, there is balance that must be maintained.  But when we are called on, we must willingly set aside our own stuff and reach out to help others.

My own career has taught me this principle over and over.  For instance, if a client is in front of my camera and I’m distracted by my equipment,  immediately a change of expression comes over their faces.  They know that I’m not focusing on them.  I’ve severed the connection we were enjoying by directing my attention to the mechanics of the shoot instead of the spirit of the shoot.  Before my clients arrive, I ask myself, “What does this person or this family need today?  How can I meet those needs?”  I know they need to trust me and follow my guidance in order to get the best outcome.  With this in mind, I prepare thoroughly so I will feel confident and they in turn, will feel confidence in me.  They also need me to set the tone for being relaxed and happy.  When they arrive, I tune into their attitudes.  What do I need to do to direct their thinking in such a way that they are relaxed in front of the camera and able to respond to me with their own genuine expressions?  If I turn my attention to my camera, or my lights, or start worrying whether I’m keeping up professsional appearances, I loose the opportunity to connect as one human to another.  They feel they have slipped from my top priority and their strained expressions betray the loss.

It has to be all about them.  I am gladly serving them.  I have set aside my own concerns, doubts, and worries and I’m concentrating on what they need.  The minute I shift from them to me, we’re in trouble.

So why am I telling you about doctors and photographers?  What does any of this have to do with you?

Because being humble enough to be other-centered is following in the footsteps of Jesus.  Being self-centered is prideful disobedience to God and brings emptiness.  

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”  Philippians 4:3-8  

Centuries before Jesus was born, the great prophet, Moses, set a precedent for humble leadership.

“Now Moses was very humble—more humble than any other person on earth”. Exodus 12:3

Later, Moses prophesied about the coming Messiah.

“Moses continued, ‘The Lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your fellow Israelites. You must listen to him’.”  Deuteronomy 18:15

Just prior to Jesus’ death, Moses appeared in visible form to encourage Jesus.  A small group of his disciples witnessed the conversation in which the men were discussing the ultimate humility of Jesus- allowing himself to be killed for the sake of others.  

 “Suddenly, two men, Moses and Elijah, appeared and began talking with Jesus.  They were glorious to see. And they were speaking about his exodus from this world, which was about to be fulfilled in Jerusalem.”  Luke 9:30-31

“Compassion is language the deaf can hear and the blind can see”.  Mark Twain