Ever been annoyed by a friend or family member who you like, but some parts of their personality just rub you the wrong way?  You recognize their positive character traits and you appreciate the things they do for others, but one of their quirks turns you off.  We have a choice when someone’s fault bothers us.  We can turn away and write them off and go elsewhere for friendship.  (What happens when the new friend turns out to have annoying faults?)  Or we can give them grace and patiently bear with them.  Long-suffering is the old-fashioned word for putting up with someone.  

But first, let me just qualify this whole discussion about putting up with others’ faults.  I’m not talking about sweeping abuse under the carpet.  I’m not talking about ignoring immorality.  I’m not talking about tolerating attacks.  These need to be exposed, refused, and boundaries enforced.  This requires strength and often assistance.  What I am talking about in this short article is the shortcomings and weaknesses all humans have that offend and irritate. 

I’ve noticed that I’m hyper-sensitive to seeing in others the faults I have.  I’m especially offended by attitudes I think are prideful and conceited because pride is one of my default faults.  I somehow think I have a better solution, a better idea, a better approach than others.  It’s hard for me to accept that my opinion is not always needed, nor is my expertise necessary in every situation!  Ha!  Duh!  Next time you’re repulsed by someone’s attitude or action, take a quick inventory.  Are they demonstrating a fault that you have to fight?  This is particularly true in families.  Our offspring who most resemble us can be the hardest for us to get along with.  We get frustrated with them because we are responding to the reflection of our own faults.  I get impatient with one of our daughters because she takes forever to actually leave the house in a timely manner.  This, of course, is my own battle.  Poor Husband has often been driven to despair trying to get me out of the house so we aren’t late to events.  He hates to be late, and considers anything less than 15 minutes early to be late.  I, on the other hand, figure no one will miss me if I’m not there at the exact time.  (Over the years, he has mellowed and I have become a little better at planning my time.  We normally now do arrive on time or a little early.)  

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.”  Colossians 3:12-15 

Sometimes the Lord is gracious and helps us put up with someone by allowing us to get a glimpse into where they came from.  Often times it involves hearing about or meeting their family of origin.  I had a friend who I admired for her perseverance and dedication to their handicapped child.  After the death of this child, she generously gave her time to help others.  But what annoyed me was a very minor quirk.  She was almost phobic about fat in food.  She religiously avoided all fats.  She was thin to a fault.  Hmmm.  I’m thinking there was some jealousy involved because I wasn’t as thin as I wanted to be.  Anyway, it happened that her son was getting married.  At the wedding, I met her mother.  I was shocked.  Her mother was obese.  Suddenly, it all made sense.  My friend was determined not to become like her mother!

“We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves.  We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.  For even Christ didn’t live to please himself.  May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.  Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”   Romans 15:1

Sometimes when a friend’s words or actions annoy me, I stop and think about how God wired them.  He made them different from me and he gave them a different job to do than he gave me.  I admit that I’ve sometimes been turned off by Husband’s black and white, direct approach because I’m wired to approach softly and try to find common ground.  But I’ve lived long enough to realize that there is a time and place for confrontation and clear boundary lines, just as there is a time and place for a gentler approach.  Next time you’re turned off by someone, take a minute to appreciate their different role.  Remember we are united, not because we are the all the same, but because we are united in God.  In fact, each of us is actually made differently on purpose by God.

“However, he has given each one of us a special gift…He makes the whole body fit together perfectly.  As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”  Ephesians 4:7,16

God accepts all who come to him, no matter who we are.  (We do have to come to him, and come on his terms since he is God and we aren’t.)  Jesus, although Jewish, invited Gentiles, all the non-Jews.  He modeled acceptance.  We follow his example by accepting those different from us. 

“Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.  Remember that Christ came as a servant to the Jews to show that God is true to the promises he made to their ancestors.  He also came so that the Gentiles might give glory to God for his mercies to them. That is what the psalmist meant when he wrote:

“For this, I will praise you among the Gentiles;

I will sing praises to your name.”  (Psalm 18:49)

 And in another place it is written,

“Rejoice with his people,

you Gentiles.”  (Deuteronomy 32:43)

 And in another place Isaiah said,

“The heir to David’s throne will come,

and he will rule over the Gentiles.

They will place their hope on him.”  (Isaiah 11:10)

  Romans 15:1-3, 5-12