“I never got Rice Krispies,” whined Negative Nelly.  I was shocked that these snarky words jumped out of my mouth during an innocuous family conversation about cold cereal.   Indeed, negative words tumble of my mouth with little provocation.   Husband had said that as a child, he was allowed to eat Rice Krispies sometimes because they weren’t as sugary as many other cereals.  Without filtering, I blurted out, “I never got Rice Krispies.”  Whoa, Miss Negative, where did that come from?!  In the first place, I’m sure I had something similar sometimes.  But really, do I feel that deprived?  Have I allowed the negative parts of my childhood to give me a chip on my shoulder?  What about the good parts of growing up?  It seems that I need to spend some time appreciating the many benefits I enjoyed as a kid instead of rehashing the hard things.  I’m betting that I’m not alone in this negatively selective recall.  Can you identify?

I have so much to be thankful for.  Even the tough parts I can be grateful for because they strengthened my character.  And compared to third world folks, I had unimaginable blessings.  Whenever a hard memory from childhood comes to mind, I’ve been trying to recall a good thing.  Even though my father was gone for much of my childhood, I try to remember the good times we did have together.  Even though his character was lacking, I try to remember the positive things he modeled.  When I think of the knot in my stomach from worrying about money since the age of six, I also bring to mind my mother’s generosity and great work ethic.  When I remember holding my breath to see if our old car would start, I also remember that we had our own car and streets to drive on that were safe.  When I remember that my single mom had to work long hours, I also remember that I had a grandmother to look after me when I was young who taught me about so many things.  When I remember being lonely as an only child, I also remember the many dear friends God gave me along the way.  When I think of my sickly childhood, I remember my healthy adult life.  I also often think of how much better my adult life has been than my childhood.  I have watched childhood friends who I had envied for their happy families, but as adults, I wouldn’t trade their lives for mine for a million dollars.  

We’ve all heard the joke about the grandparents who tell their grandkids how hard they had it.  Why, they had to walk miles to school in bare feet and it was uphill both ways!  We laugh, but most of us have some negatively slanted stories from our past, too.  These stories may be truth-based, but our perceptions have put an extra negative spin on them.  If you haven’t noticed, no one’s memory of an event quite matches another person’s memory.  We all experience events through a filter of how it made us feel.  We’re all self-centered and we remember things that had an emotional impact on us.  However, our emotions aren’t reliable gauges of reality, so our memories are narrow and center weighted.  Basing our present feelings on flawed memories is dangerous.  Better to examine the roots of our negativity and choose to accept that the past is past and we can make a different life for ourselves in the now having learned valuable lessons about God’s faithfulness from our past.

“But now that their father was dead, Joseph’s brothers became fearful. “Now Joseph will show his anger and pay us back for all the wrong we did to him,” they said.

But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you?  You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.  So Joseph and his brothers and their families continued to live in Egypt. Joseph lived to the age of 110.” Genesis 50:15, 19-22

Having an attitude of deprivation because I compare myself to others who had more than I did, sets me up for resentment.  If I come from this place of negativity, bitterness and anger aren’t far behind.  (Why do we often compare ourselves to those who have more?  It’s better if we have to compare, to compare ourselves with those who have less.)  If I by faith believe that God can use bad circumstances to make me better, I’ll be grateful.  Looking at my past with gratitude will enable me to step forward into a strong today and tomorrow.  I’m not defined by what I didn’t have.  I’m letting go of my old stories of loss.  I’m defined by what I’m allowing God to give me today.  Today I’m allowing him to give me faith to see that he is kind and good and gives me good gifts.  

“But every good endowment that we possess and every complete gift that we have received comes down to us from God our Father who created all the lights in the heavens.  With him there is never the slightest variation or shadow of inconsistency.  By his own wish he made us his own children through the Word of truth.”  James 1:17-18

This negative narrative I have conjured in my head is used by me without my realizing it to explain my present-day shortcomings. My long-standing excuse for not excelling in my business was:  I’ve never been able to afford the good equipment I need to succeed in my career.  There is a shred of truth, but it was also a convenient cover to protect me when my business didn’t succeed financially.  Recently I went against my own story and borrowed money to upgrade my gear and training.  The boost to my confidence was huge.  I no longer have many of my old excuses, so I now have to produce!  Letting go of our old stories can make us feel unprotected.  After all, our excuse cover is gone and we must step forward and accept full responsibility for our outcomes.  It’s much easier to cower under cover of negative old stories than to step up and create something new and good.  But I’m picking up my sword and advancing.  It’s never too late.

“. . .the one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead.  So I run straight toward the goal in order to win the prize, which is God’s call through Christ Jesus to the life above.”  Philippians 3:13-14

What are your negative stories?  Do your reactions sometimes give you hints about negative ideas you are harboring?  Which one can you confront today by being grateful for your good experiences and for the strength you’ve gained?  How can you write a faith-based present-day narrative that gives you a new start?

“In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.  Put into practice what you learned and received from me, both from my words and from my actions. And the God who gives us peace will be with you.”  Philippians 4:8-9

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