Late December, 1975.  It’s 2:00 am and Husband and I are awakened by the telephone.  No one wants to get a middle-of-the-night call.  My heart was pounding.  Husband answered in a state between grogginess and trepidation.

“Hello?”

To our great relief, the voice was cheerful.  It was Husband’s close friend since childhood calling from the other side of the continent.

“Guess what?!  I just realized Jesus died for fishermen and other liars.  I just got saved!”

His joy was contagious.  What a celebration that was in the wee hours!  In the intervening years, we have rejoiced with that friend and his wife and we have cried with them.  The friend went on to become a church school teacher, then principal, then pastor- sometimes simultaneously!  All while raising 5 children of their own and 15 adopted children many of whom were special needs.

Husband had known this friend since the 8^th grade.  The friend had no religious upbringing at all.  In high school, Husband had been the designated driver since he was the only one in his group of friends who didn’t drink.  Husband would bring his friend home, put him into bed placing a trash can beside him for the inevitable vomiting, then go home to his own Christian household.  In their college years, the friend ended up marrying Husband’s high school sweetheart… a girl with a strong faith and compassionate heart.  It wasn’t until their oldest son was old enough to participate in a Christmas program, that the friend agreed to go to church.  It was at that children’s Christmas play that his eyes were opened and he grasped the simple truth.  Jesus is the gift, the best gift he could ever get.  He wholeheartedly gave himself to God and never looked back.

Now most of their children, not all, are grown and on their own.  Did all of them walk in their parents’ footsteps, wholeheartedly serving God and others?  No.  I could tell you heart wrenching stories of penitentiary sentences, devilish friends, mental illness, poor choices.  Yet, some of them have taken the high road and are themselves serving God and others selflessly.  One has even adopted children themselves.  P.S.  The friend’s father eventually came to faith in his later years.

“When I urged Titus to visit you, did Titus take advantage of you? No! For we have the same spirit and walk in each other’s steps, doing things the same way.”  2 Corinthians 12:18  Paul was talking about his son in the faith who imitated Paul.  (Paul didn’t have biological children.)

Husband’s friend didn’t have parents who gave him an example of faith and service.  Yet he chose that path for himself.  His children had an example of faith and service.  Yet many of them chose a very different path for themselves.

‘I will do this because they have forsaken me … and have not walked in obedience to me, nor done what is right in my eyes, nor kept my decrees and laws as David, Solomon’s father, did.”  1 Kings 11:33

We’re all tempted to say, “If my parent wouldn’t have _________, then I wouldn’t have these hang-ups.”  But I will stand before God to give an account of my own actions because I had my own choices.  I wasn’t a helpless victim.  I am an autonomous human being responsible for myself.  This is so freeing.  I’m not doomed by a parent’s poor behavior, nor do I have a free pass to heaven from my believing parent.  I have the choice to do things differently.  I make my own decisions which can be very different from my parent’s examples.

I’m tempted to say, “If my adult kids wouldn’t have ________, then I wouldn’t feel so guilty.”  But God isn’t holding me responsible for their actions because they have their own choices.  They aren’t helpless victims.  They are autonomous human beings responsible for themselves.  This is so freeing.  They aren’t doomed by my poor behavior, nor are they given a free pass to heaven from their believing parents.  They have the choice to do things differently.  They make their own decisions which can be very different from their parent’s examples.

“When Amaziah was well established as king, he executed the officials who had assassinated his father.  However, he did not kill the children of the assassins, for he obeyed the command of the Lord as written by Moses in the Book of the Law: ‘Parents must not be put to death for the sins of their children, nor children for the sins of their parents. Those deserving to die must be put to death for their own crimes.’” (Deuteronomy 24:16)  2Kings 14:5-6

Every one of us has free choice.  We can’t blame someone else.  Nor can we take responsibility for someone else.  Each of us will be judged for own actions.  This honors the personhood of each individual.  It frees us from guilt for someone else’s bad behavior.  It also frees us to choose our own path for good in spite of other’s bad behavior.  I am responsible for the outcome of my own choices.  You are responsible for the outcome of your own choices.  We are not doomed by the behavior of others.  Hallelujah!