My grandmother prayed every day for her wayward son, my father, from the day he ran away from home as a young teen until the day she died at age 90.  My mother also prayed for my father every day of her sad marriage/separation until the day she died at age 55.  I prayed for my father until the day he died at 86.  None of us ever saw an answer to our prayers that he would come to faith.  As far as we could see, he remained rebellious and hard.  I can remember him literally turning his back to me when I tried to read him a Psalm while he rested in bed during his last months.  Yet recently our dear friends happily shared that their mid-twenties son who we have prayed for daily for 10 years has come back to faith and has a change of life that proves it.  No more drinking, drugs and crazy parties.  He’s clear-eyed and clear-minded and making progress in his career while modeling to co-workers and friends how to make better life choices.  He’s studying his Bible and spending time with those who love to do the same.  He’s a happy young man!  Both men had loving, praying families who modeled the happiness of right living.  They both were taken to church as children, nurtured, and earnestly prayed for.  Yet there were two very different outcomes.  Why did God answer some prayers and not others?

We use the word hope to mean two different things.  I hope it doesn’t rain.  Or, my hope of heaven rests on God’s promises. One means that we desire, want, and wish for something but have no guarantee it will happen.  The other means that we have a confident expectation, firm assurance, confidence, security, and unwavering trust in the outcome.  It isn’t wishful thinking, instead, it is rooted in firm trust in a reliable God who keeps his word.

I hope that all my loved ones put their trust in Jesus, but I don’t demand that of God because only he knows their hearts and whether he has chosen them to join the family of faith.  I, for one, don’t feel it’s my place to demand something from the mighty Creator of the universe.  I do, however, believe that God’s heart is clearly expressed in the Bible and I can join him in desiring what he desires.  I know he loves mercy.  So I can pray for mercy for those I love.  I know he loves to forgive, so I can pray for them to want his forgiveness.  He cares about each person, so I can pray for his care for them.  I know he is patient, so I can pray for more time for my loved ones to change their minds.

“(God) is being patient for your sake.  He doesn’t want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.”  2 Peter 3:9

A friend recently suggested that instead of me only praying for the big change of someone coming to faith, and feeling sad and discouraged when they don’t, ask God to put smaller steps on my heart to pray for.  Their faith may be a long time coming, but seeing answers to specific smaller prayers would encourage me.  I’m trying to be quiet and hear ideas for prayers from the Lord so I can pray in tune with what he already is planning to work in my loved ones’ lives.  Then when I see small answered prayers, I’ll have more faith.  Years of praying for dear ones without visible results makes me sad.  I could use some encouragement in my prayers and lots more faith!

I don’t blame God for bad outcomes in my loved ones’ lives.  I know he honors each person’s free will to decide the course of their own lives. He values free choices so much that Jesus had to die because of that freedom.  Every one of us chooses wrong things All  The  Time.  And God doesn’t prevent us or deny us the choice.  Those of us that have his Spirit within us can hear the warning voice, but we can ignore it if we choose.  I’m sure looking forward to the new creation where we won’t have any desire to do the wrong thing!

“The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation.” Psalm 145:8-9

But knowing God allows choices and their consequences doesn’t help the pain of watching it happen. What does help is to trust that the ultimate outcome is in the hands of a wise, powerful, compassionate Father in heaven. I trust his character, his power, his love. And I guard my own heart so the sorrow doesn’t swallow me up. I grieve, but not hopelessly. I’m sad, but I rejoice in what God has given me. I acknowledge that life hasn’t turned out the way I had hoped in respect to these dear ones, but God is still in charge and the final end will be glorious. Our God will be honored by every human who ever existed. “For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat . . . Every knee will bow and every tongue will acknowledge God,” as Isaiah 45 promises. And that will be glorious indeed.