Almost August. One last lap of Summer. How are you doing? You wanted to do something important this 
Summer. Have you made progress? You still have a chance to make it happen!
Remember June and the ideas you had for what your summer could be? Have you brought some of those ideas to fruition? If so, have you savored that success? If not, there might still be time to realize those dreams.
Stop and take inventory before these last weeks of Summer slip away. Are you on course? I’m not necessarily talking about financial goals, or career goals altho those may be a part of your bigger picture. I’m specifically talking about relational goals. Have you invested in the young people in your life this Summer?
Many mothers are counting the days till school starts. I remember the mixed feelings- Oh, no, we haven’t had much fun yet; We haven’t started clothes shopping; Soon someone else will be directing my kids’ days; I might have time to get my own projects done when they go back to school; Will they remember this Summer with fond memories or will they only remember the heat and the boredom?; Did I use our time together well?; I have one last chance not to blow the whole Summer.
I have so many regrets about my parenting, but one thing I can honestly say I did right was encouraging our kids to be independent. As adults, all six of them are fiercely self-motivated and have the courageous initiative to take on new challenges outside their experience and comfort zone. I can’t take all the credit, of course. They are individuals making their own choices. Did I mention that in a family that size I just plain didn’t have the wherewithal to supervise every minute? But I think I provided a home atmosphere that afforded them freedom to try. Yes, to try, and to fail. Try, and make amazing messes.(!) Try, and in trying find their strengths, interests, and pleasures.
One of our girls was born with an interest in food. Ok, we all are. What I mean is that she is wired to serve others by creating delicious, creative, beautiful, and healthful meals. I didn’t make her this way. But I did allow her the freedom to develop her gift. I have a photo of her on a step stool at the kitchen island about the time she started to walk. She and the area around her are covered in flour. What a mess! But I refrained from scolding. She had an interest and I wouldn’t deny her the joy of discovering what she was wired for. Fast forward to her twelfth year. I was confined to the floor for weeks with a painful back ailment and it was Thanksgiving. No problem. My now budding chef took the meal upon herself without being asked. She wrote the menu, made the grocery list, got her older sister to drive her to the store, and single-handedly prepared a Thanksgiving dinner that was unrivaled in our family’s history. An older sister did take care of dessert – 9 pies made from scratch.
Our older son was born with a bent for mechanical things. When he was thirteen, my husband bought him a motorcycle. Well, sort of. What they came home with were several plastic milk crates with unidentifiable small pieces and a few larger pieces. Being mechanically handicapped, I couldn’t imagine how these jumbled parts could become one usable machine. But after weeks of trying to keep baby from swallowing the small pieces strewn on the front porch and wondering if I would ever get the grease off the porch, clothing, and floors- behold! A motorcycle was rising from the ruin. How did he know where the pieces went? How did he have the patience to kneel on the cement porch day after day in the sweltering tropical heat while a baby crawled around him and a large curious bird stalked his shiny tools? Not to mention little sisters asking dumb questions and a baby kangaroo trying to sleep on his high top (kangaroo?) leather shoes. Being the center of attention isn’t always convenient. Fast forward to his nineteenth year and he’s the youngest mechanic on an international motorcycle race team.
I don’t mean to brag on my kids. Yes, I do! It’s good to celebrate the positives. But my point is this: use these last weeks of summer to encourage a young person. Whether you’re a mom or a grandmother, an aunt or a neighbor, chances are you have someone in your life who is young. What could you do to set them up for finding their sweet spot of personal gifting? Each of us is happiest at the intersection of interest, natural inclination, skill, and challenge. You can make an environment that enables them to develop. Provide some tools, lots of freedom and plenty of cheerleading from the sidelines. Keep the coaching to a minimum. As long as it’s safe, step back and allow them to step into their own sweet spot under their own power, no matter how haltingly and messily. This takes an incredible amount of self-control on the part of the adult. So much easier to do it for them or at the very least, tell them how to do it step by step. But in doing so, we rob them of the thrill of exploration and personal accomplishment.
Please don’t imagine that I’m against instruction, lessons, or guidance. That all precedes the moment when they take the reigns and move out into the open spaces of their own initiative. This requires us to let go of the reins and wave enthusiastically as they ride off. And sometimes to clean up the manure left behind.
P.S. Are you modeling trying new projects outside your comfort zone?