Have you ever felt lost and empty? Ever wondered what it is you’re supposed to be contributing to the world?
This past year I found myself reeling from the loss of my job. For 30 years I had enjoyed my work which started out very part time but had evolved into a full-time pursuit. It fed my creative urges, gave me pleasant social contact, stretched my brain, and gave me satisfaction. It seemed to be the perfect fit. But last Spring I had to admit that it was a financial disaster. No matter how hard I tried, the money just didn’t justify the long hours I had invested. It was past time to close my business.
I felt the loss every day. I felt aimless, useless, unfulfilled. And I felt like a colossal failure. I hadn’t succeeded in spite of focused effort, continuing education, and a good product. I missed my clients. I missed the drive to learn and create. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing.
Then one day I got a mental picture that sustained me for months. I believe God was being kind and gentle with my hurting heart and He gave me this image to hold onto. In my mind’s eye, I saw a table with a fine white linen tablecloth that had just been cleared, apparently after a previous course. While looking at this cleared table, I got the distinct feeling that although the table was now empty (my vocation was gone), there was a wonderful course about to be served (God would give me something else to pour myself into).
Within months, it became clear what my next phase of life would be. The distraction of my work was gone and what really matters started to become clear. I had much more quality time with my husband. Priorities began to shift. After our yearly visit with adult children and grandchildren, I had a new desire to be a present grandmother instead of a once-a-year-visiting grandmother. My husband and I decided to make a cross-country move in order to be closer to most of our grandchildren.
A new way to contribute to the lives of others beyond our family also began to take shape. A persistent idea kept coming to mind. But I felt ridiculous attempting this endeavor. Who was I to write a blog?! There are already countless blogs out there. What did I have to say that hasn’t already been said? Could I muster the discipline to produce helpful information on a consistent basis? Would anyone read it if I did? In the end, I realized that no one else has lived my life and there will be some folks who need what I have to give. I am compelled to be faithful in writing. Who does or doesn’t read my blog has no bearing on whether or not I write. This isn’t to say that I plan to write for the rest of my life. I’m now wise enough to know there are seasons in life. I only have to be faithful in this season.
I’m learning yet again that in giving, we receive. . . packed down and overflowing happiness and blessings.
What are your disappointments? Could they be stepping stones to the next phase of your life? Are you leaning on God to carry you through the dark times and lead you forward? Do you trust Him with your future? Will you trust God to do something bigger than seems possible or rational?