A friend of ours had an unsettled and difficult childhood.  She only ever got one Christmas gift from her father, a cherished doll that was later lost in one of many moves after her parents separated.  Her mother lived with one man after another, moving often.  Yet our friend who had so little as a child grew up to be generous with her time and money helping others have a better life.

If we’re still long enough during the holidays, memories of past holidays will make their way to the surface.  But what if some of those memories are sad?  Thank God that he is the God of new beginnings.  Whatever wrongs were done to us or whatever losses we experienced don’t have to define us.  God gives us new mercy each day to get us through today – and not just gritting our teeth and barely making it.  He gives enough grace to make our lives abundant in faith, love, forgiveness, and hope.  He lifts us above our past and even uses those hurts so we can help others.  A good share of my holiday memories are bittersweet.  I had a loving mother and a grandmother who played a big role in my life.  I knew I was blessed so I tried not to think about the fact that for my younger years my parents were estranged.  Even after they had made peace, some years I didn’t see my dad at all because he chose to work out-of-state.  Being an only child with an often absent Dad, our holidays weren’t the stuff of happy memories.  Yet, those years gave me a heart for lonely people.  All these years later I still love to invite people to our home who are away from home, new, or lonely any time of the year.

“…love them [foreigners, outsiders] as you love yourself. Remember that you were once foreigners living in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”  Leviticus 19:34

When sad holiday memories involve wrongs we did to others, we can confess and be forgiven.  God invites us to ask him and those we hurt for forgiveness.  We can be free of guilt.  Guilt is a cruel taskmaster.  Kick it to the curb!  Trust that God forgives us not because we deserve it, but because Jesus took all our sins and sacrificed himself for them.  The guiltless One for the guilty.  All those who trust him have been freely given comprehensive forgiveness every time we ask for it.  Besides real guilt, Satan loves to hound us with false guilt also. We feel bad about things that weren’t actually our responsibility.  These negative emotions wear us down and produce no positive outcomes.  Parents often feel guilt for bad decisions their adult kids made.  Yet ultimately those decisions were made by the individual and each experiences the consequences of their own decisions.  No parent can decide for an adult child.  Yes, we can influence for good or ill, but in the end, each person will be held accountable for their own decisions.  Feeling false guilt saps emotional energy that could be invested in bettering our relationships.

Then there are the warm, fuzzy, happy holiday memories.  Let’s thank God for the happiness he gave us in the past.  All good things come from our good God. We can live in daily gratitude when things are going well and when things aren’t. Remembering past blessings reminds us of God’s goodness and helps us trust him for future blessings.

“celebrate because of all the good things the Lord your God has given to you and your household. Remember to include the Levites [religious workers] and the foreigners living among you in the celebration.”  Deuteronomy 26:11

We can share happy holiday memories with others, especially our families.  Kids like to hear stories.  Keep them short and age-appropriate and you’ll be modeling a grateful heart to the next generation.  Try to tell stories about something funny that happened to you, a silly mistake you made that embarrassed you, or something cute an animal did.  Let kids tell you stories, too.  If they’re shy, ask them about their pet and whether they’ll give it a special treat for the holidays.  Ask if they’re going to do something special with their family during the holidays.  Ask if they’re going to help with holiday preparations or give a gift to someone in their family.   Older kids can understand and commiserate with a sad experience you had on a holiday, but remember to give the upside of the story.  For instance, through a hard time, God helped you and changed you into a better person who can sympathize with others.  Give them space to express something hard they experienced.  Encourage them to see some positive things that God brought out of their sadness.

We can express gratitude to those who contributed happy memories to our lives whether during the holidays or anytime.  At my age, many of those people have passed on to their reward.  Some I thanked while there was still time and others I didn’t.  Why not make it a point to thank two people who have blessed you with happy memories?  Your gratitude will make a new happy memory for them!  Several of my former students have taken the time to thank me for something I taught them.  One young woman was telling me about her ministry in a foreign country and off-handedly mentioned how often she uses drama to teach her students- just like she learned in my Sunday school class.  I was stunned.  I barely remembered the skits we did in class.  But she remembered how acting helped to cement the Bible story in her thinking and she was now helping her students assimilate the Scriptures with drama.  Who can you thank in the next few weeks?

We can contribute to making this holiday season a happy memory for someone else.  I can promise you that working to make someone else happy, makes us happy.  I know not everyone remembers to thank us for what we did, but we have the satisfaction of caring for someone else.  Givers get.  It really is more happy-making to give than to receive.  Our first responsibility is to our family, but it doesn’t end there.  We can model to our families ways to bless others.  One of our daughters took her daughter shopping to fill a Samaritan’s Purse shoebox a few weeks ago.  They both enjoyed preparing gifts for a child living in poverty.  Helping others expands our horizons and saves us from living in a small, self-centered world.  

“We must remember what the Lord Jesus said, ‘We are more happy when we give than when we receive.’ ”  Acts 20:35

Sad memories of past holidays don’t have to throw shadows on the present.  We’re not defined by past hurts.  God gives us new grace each day for abundant living.  His generous gifts of faith, love, forgiveness, and hope make us happy today. 

Happy memories of past holidays remind us to be grateful and share stories of God’s goodness. 

Thanking those who contributed to our success or happiness multiplies our happiness and theirs. 

Contributing to the happiness of someone else’s holidays actually makes us happy.