Early in the pandemic last Spring dear friends of ours did things we considered dangerous or irresponsible. I made the mistake of harping on my opinion about what they should and shouldn’t do. I was genuinely and deeply concerned for their well-being, but I allowed our divergent opinions to turn me into a nag. Fortunately for me, they were gracious and overlooked my pushy, repeated chiding. Our friendship weathered the storm of my constant nagging. A year later, we’re still close friends, they haven’t gotten sick and I’m embracing their opinion! Even if I had been right, and they had gotten sick, it wouldn’t have been helpful for me to keep pushing my opinion on them. I have to remember that each person has been given the freedom to decide for themselves. I can express my opinion, but pressure rarely works to change a person’s mind. In fact, I have discovered that pressure pushes them away. Ask me how I know.
Opinions can alienate us from each other. I have an opinion on just about any topic and I’m eager to share it. Just ask me. Or don’t ask and I’m liable to share it anyway! I need to grow in this area, that’s why I’m writing about it today. Pretty much any topic nowadays can divide us, but God calls us to love no matter how much we disagree.
“if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge . . . but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:2
Varying viewpoints can range from opinions on national issues to what to have for lunch. Some issues are moral, some are trivial but we can allow nearly any opposing viewpoints to separate us. Or we can choose the high road and concentrate on loving those we disagree with praying for their good and giving grace to them.
” I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. For some members of Chloe’s household have told me about your quarrels, my dear brothers and sisters.” 1 Corinthians 1:10-11
When we get into a discussion that touches on the subject of faith, it’s especially important to watch our attitude. With something as closely held as our faith we can get pretty defensive in talking with an unbeliever. Humility and respect must govern our interactions. We don’t know all the answers and the answers we do know, we don’t always live by. Even if we’re clever and win an argument, it certainly doesn’t mean we’ve won a friend. Better to listen to their concerns and doubts first and not jump in with some preconceived speech we learned. We can’t force anyone to believe. We can only explain what we know from experience.
“And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ.” 1 Peter 3:15-16
I’m learning to value the person above their choices. The person and their choices aren’t the same. The old saying about loving the sinner, but not the sin is true. When a family member makes poor choices, I’m heartsick, but I mustn’t give up on them and let their choices separate us. I should actually move in closer to love on them and make it easier for them to change. Sometimes the issue isn’t even moral. Other times it is. Either way, the person needs to be loved. Every issue pales in comparison to the Lord’s command to love.
“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
Sometimes what divides us is more than an opinion. Sometimes someone has wronged us. If the offender has violated God’s commands, we should go to that person privately in gentleness and try to resolve it. If the person who wronged us, apologizes and changes her behavior, we should forgive. We have gained a friend back.
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.” Mathew 18:15-17
If we’ve wronged another person, we should quickly make it right.
“if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23
If we’re aware that someone has wronged another person, we should humbly go to the wrongdoer and gently rebuke them. If they change their mind and their actions, they have been helped to live a happier life.
“Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.” Galatians 6:1
In the case of a person outside the church who does wrong, the church has no jurisdiction over him. Believers should live pure lives as examples and they should do good to everyone at all times, but we aren’t called to enforce God’s rules on those who don’t believe. God is very capable of handling that himself. We can certainly use our influence to encourage righteous behavior by rewarding it and discourage immoral behavior by limiting its power over those who are innocent. In other words, those who want to participate in wrong behavior shouldn’t coerce others to agree with them. This extends especially to those who aren’t old enough to choose or those who have no power to choose. Children and the unborn.
Grace and love draw us together and preserve the relationship.
Love and grace make it easier for a person to reconsider and change their mind and actions.
“How wonderful and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in harmony!
For harmony is . . . precious . . .” Psalm 133:1-2a
What you saw as nagging, I saw as love and concern and a reminder that I was going too far toward recklessness. Your mother heart shines through all your words. And some of us need and want a mother, even if we act like we don’t and rebel.
You’re gracious and I’m gratefu! I do care. A lot. Husband tells me all the time when I make a ‘suggestion’, “I have a mother!” And I tell him, “Yes, you do but she’s not here right now. So I have to tell you.” I know what it’s like not having a mother since youth and don’t want anyone else to feel that way. Thank you for being my friend through thick and thin.
I doubt that you are nagger, all I see is a very loving person. We all need help at times and it is good to help that person in a loving way. No judging just loving care. love you.
Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt, my encouraging friend! You are so good at loving care. Ever grateful for your prayers for our daughter. Hugs.