It was a wonderful weekend of savoring family.  We gathered in our daughter’s hometown to celebrate her completion of cancer treatment and her 42^nd birthday.  It was a fun mask-erade party.  She has bravely pushed through nine months of radical surgery, intense chemo, and extended radiation. . . all that pain and misery with a good attitude. For a few sweet hours on Saturday evening, we came together to honor her and feel gratitude. For the first time in 18 years, our six children were together with us in one place.  One daughter traveled from Michigan with her four children.  We all loved watching the cousins playing delightedly together- 11 of them.  We were only missing 4.  Besides our family, there were the friends who had lovingly stood with our sick daughter through it all.  These friends had been care-givers, meal providers, grocery shoppers, and most importantly companions thru the nine grueling months of treatment because we lived too far away to do those things. 

We hugged and cried on the tall young man who at thirty years old had become the rock our daughter and granddaughter leaned on heavily.  Because he had been nurse, cook, tween guardian, and rock climbing partner he earned the title, ‘Bonus Brother’.  (Yes, our daughter somehow had kept rock climbing almost the entire time!)  We met the young man who had organized the meal train, done research for our daughter, and been quiet support.  We saw her friends and ex-husband who had continually been cheerleaders, companions, listening ears, and doers of what needed to be done.  We’re so proud of her and thankful for this community of kind-hearted people who walked thru that horrendous journey with our daughter.  The next day, Sunday, most of our family were gathered at our daughter’s house, and during a short lull in kid noise, she mentioned how aware she was of the many friends who had prayed for her regularly.  I have a feeling many of you reading this were part of the small army of those pleading with God on her behalf.  We are so grateful that you took some of our burden and carried it with us.  You were heard.  We can’t say whether she beat cancer long term.   But we’re grateful she made it through the full course of treatment which many can’t.  And we are grateful that she has a high percentage five-year survival rate.  Her daughter turns 13 in a few weeks.

As our daughter and I talked about how her friends had come around her during those pain-filled months, she mentioned how beautiful it was that each person served her out of their own unique strength.  Her quiet, gentle friend did behind the scenes organizing and researching, her medically trained friend was on call 24/7 for questions and worries.  Her neighbor friend was available at a moment’s notice for emotional back-up, a hug, or a meal.  The varied personalities and training all worked together to provide everything she needed.  Not one of her friends treated her as a project, but as a dear friend who needed some TLC for a season and they were willing to sacrifice their own time and plans to serve her.

Another thing I noticed as Husband and I watched this drama play out over the past 9 months, was that there seemed to be three components to the care her friends lavished on her.  They listened, they spoke comfort, and they did practical things to alleviate her suffering.  All three were equally important.  They gave her the space to tell them anything that she needed to get out while they listened sympathetically.  They didn’t try to brush off her feelings.  They spoke encouragement into her heart gently and with consideration.  Few of them had walked the path ahead of her, but by listening and loving they were able to say appropriate things.  Then they consistently helped her with the necessities of life.  Some cleaned.  Some did laundry.  Some cooked.  Some grocery shopped.  Some did active things with her tween-aged daughter.  It struck me the wisdom they used to provide appropriately.  A funny/sweet example is when in an early morning hour after receiving her diagnosis, she had a panic attack.  Her new roommate was awakened by her running toward him with an urgent plea, “I can’t breathe!”  Gathered in his embrace, she calmed down.  Afterwhile, he gently told her, “When you can get up, I’ll fix you some tea.  Not coffee, tea.”

So what does all this have to do with you, dear reader?   Here are my takeaways.  I hope a few of them will help you live ever more wisely.

All service from the heart is valuable. Informed service is very valuable.
“ How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me . . . you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty. . . I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me . . . They are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable and pleasing to God.”  Philippians 4:10,14,18

Service done out of the giver’s strengths are efficacious.
“There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord.  God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.  A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.”  1 Corinthians 12:5-7 

Listening done with compassion and patience is healing.
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”  James 1:19

Interacting with someone who has had a similar experience and come out the other side is especially encouraging.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”  2 Corinthians 1:4

Comfort comes in many forms.  Affection, food, gifts, listening ears, and available shoulders come to mind.
“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself.”  Galatians 6:2-3 

Having good friends is crazy important.
“If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”  Ecclesiastes 4:10

The givers receive unforeseen blessings. 
“ And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”  Acts 20:35 

God gives us the strength to go on.
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”  Philippians 4:13

There are always good things in the midst of the awful. 
“he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.”  Isaiah 61:3

Jesus is always with us.
“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20

Relationships cost, but they are the most valuable things on earth.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love.”  1 Corinthians 13:13