Do you know anybody like this?  The husband is delightful.  He is caring and the best listener ever.  He’s the kind of person you feel comfortable pouring your heart out to, because he will offer grace and understanding.  However, the wife is difficult to be around.  She is very opinionated.  She is quick to state her criticism of anything or anyone.  She doesn’t take time to understand the why of what was done or appreciate the beauty of what was done.  If it wasn’t her idea, she’s automatically opposed.  She doesn’t know much because she won’t listen to others.  She won’t listen to others because she can’t stop talking about herself and her (uninformed) opinions.  Perhaps the basic cause of her difficult behavior is that she is constantly thinking of herself.  She sees someone else’s way of doing things and immediately compares it to her own way. Instead of appreciating and accepting based on merit, she is relating everything to herself. If someone does something better than she, she is dismissive and prone to ridicule and attack out of defensiveness.  If she could leave herself out of the equation, she could accept that some people do things differently without feeling threatened.  If she would quit comparing and competing, there would be nothing to prove. As it is, she is constantly in battle mode.  She is on a campaign to prove she is important.  As a result, her friends are few, and her family keeps a distance. It isn’t a happy way to live. BTW, I don’t mean to infer that only women can be the difficult party.  I’m using this instance because most of my readers are women and this example is real.

We often hear, “Look out for #1.” Meaning take care of yourself first.   Actually, it would be better stated, “Look out for! (Beware of) #1.  It turns out that #1 is a brutal boss.  She demands our constant attention with few rewards or rest. She promises us happiness, but delivers misery.  ‘Me’ compares.  ‘Me’ competes.  ‘Me’ proves myself.  ‘Me’ is on display at all times. ‘Me’ is always at the forefront of my thoughts.  Am I being favorably evaluated?  Will this make me look good to others?  But as long as we’re preoccupied with ‘Me’, there won’t be room for caring for others.  We won’t even notice what they need.

Since ancient times, God has shown us a better way.  He knows we are selfish.  However, he uses this selfish bent to help us understand what others need.  He shows us that what we need is also what all other humans need.  So we innately know what others need.  Then he gives us the job of giving what we need to others.  We need to be loved.  So love others.  We need to be forgiven, so forgive.  We need grace, so give grace to others.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Jesus in  Matthew 7:12

“an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law of Moses?”Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ [Quoting Deuteronomy 6:5)  This is the first and greatest commandment. 

And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ [Quoting Leviticus 19:18] All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22:37-39

Sometimes doing for others what we want done for us takes time and planning: the daily feeding of our families, meeting the needs of an elderly parent, being available to our kids and grandkids.  Sometimes doing for others may be a spontaneous one minute act of kindness: sincerely greeting a clerk, taking someone’s cart in a store parking lot, calling a child by name when you see them at church.

We all need to be seen, heard, and appreciated.  Often we need help. Going through our days responding to the needs of others with an open heart and open eyes enables us to do for others what we want others to do for us.

I see you. You’re somebody to me.  “You are _____  (lovely, talented, helpful, funny, patient)”

I hear you.  I care about what you’re thinking.  “What do you think about this?”  Then patiently listening for their real answer.

I appreciate you. I gratefully recognize what you do.  “Thank you for _____ (cleaning up after the meal, doing what you said, showing up).”

I want to help you. How can I make your life easier right now? (“I can help you carry that, I’ll do that job so you can ______.)

Giving to others actually makes us happy.  Living with an open heart and open eyes toward others fills our needs, too.  Perhaps the people we give to won’t be able to give back, but God promises to reward us.

“. . . remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed (more happy-making) to give than to receive.’ ”  Acts 20:35

A close relative is a cancer survivor.  Last week she needed to go back to the cancer center for her regular check-up.  That place always brings back scary, stressful memories.  Except that day one woman made a huge difference in her feelings.  When she checked in at the receptionist’s desk, she was greeted by a personable, cheerful lady who helped her with a smile and chit-chat.  The next day, when she returned to the center, the same receptionist greeted her from across the room, calling her by name as if genuinely glad to see her again.  Whereupon, she told the lady how much it meant that she was treated with kindness and cheerfulness.  Immediately one of the ladies in the waiting room, agreed and complimented the receptionist, too.  The three ladies had a  cheerful conversation which lifted the spirits of the two patients.  The two went on to have a conversation as they waited.  Our relative asked about the progress of the lady’s treatment and offered to help her, particularly to give her rides to the cancer center.  Later that week, the lady called.  Of course, it was assumed she needed a ride which our relative was happy to accomodate.  But, instead, the lady informed her that she had just inherited a large sum of money and wanted to hire our relative as her realtor to buy an expensive home.  Just a little kindness can come back in unexpected ways!

Let’s be givers this week and enjoy the benefits!