It’s almost Valentine’s Day.  Do you feel you have to give a Valentine’s gift because it’s obligatory?  Or do you feel you get to give a gift as an expression of your love and appreciation?  On the flip side, do you want your spouse to be an order filler, simply getting you what you want in order to keep the peace?  Or do you want a genuine gift from their heart because they are expressing their love even if it isn’t exactly what you wanted?   

Love is the most powerful force in the universe.  God is love.  He loves us and he wants us to love him.

Obligation forces, but love changes us to be willing and wholehearted.
Duty is strong, but love is stronger.
Rules are rigid taskmasters but love graciously guides.
Fate is faceless, heartless, and random, but Love has a personal, good plan for us.

When asked about the most important commands God gave in the Old Testament law, Jesus responded not with the obligatory dietary rules, the detailed ceremonial law, or even the moral Ten Commandments.  Instead, he cited the loftier, all-encompassing commands to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength.  And love your neighbor as yourself.  The have-to’s were surpassed by the get-to’s.  Checking off a list of rules can’t compare to offering yourself to God in wholehearted devotion and treating others lovingly.

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”  Matthew 22:37-40 quoting Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18

When we say ‘I have to . . .’, we’re slipping into the negative thinking of rule-keeping.  But the ‘I get to . . .’ mindset shifts us into the positive, love-motivated realm.  ‘I have to’ is driven by obligation, rules, or bowing to fate.  ‘I get to’ is driven by love.  Because I love, I want to.  I love God, so I get to do what pleases him.  I love others, so I get to help them.  God loves me, so whatever he graciously gives me to do, I get to do.

A dear friend was having surgery.  She chose not to say, “I have to have surgery.”  Instead, she said, “I get to have my foot fixed with good medical care.”  She chose to remember that God has lovingly placed her in a place and time where she can get skilled medical help.  And she trusted God with the outcome.  God’s love for her and her love for God gave her a positive mindset.

A love-motivated positive mindset shifts everything.  If I’m honest I can see that I spent a lot of years in a dutiful, negative mindset.  Love didn’t motivate me, fear of repercussions did.  I had a ‘have to’ outlook instead of a ‘get to’ approach.  I would sigh and force myself into the kitchen to cook meals for our large family because I knew there would be hangry repercussions if supper wasn’t ready at the appointed time.  I could have told myself, “I get to be creative and figure out how to prepare the good food I’ve been blessed with on time and in the most delicious way to keep my family healthy and happy.”  Instead, I allowed my negative outlook to rob me of joy. Love for God and appreciation of his generous supply coupled with love for my family should have given me a happy outlook.

A love-motivated positive mindset shifts everything.  I needed to apologize to a friend for a thoughtless, rude answer I had given her.  I thought, I ‘have to’ call her and tell her I’m sorry.   I ‘have to’  humble myself and admit fault.  Actually, I got to call her and restore the relationship.  I got to build our friendship stronger and not tear it down. I got to make her feel appreciated and valued.  God graciously gave me a friend like her and I show my appreciation by honoring my friend with an apology.

This week let’s catch ourselves when we slip into the ‘I have to’ attitude.  Let’s ask ourselves how we can change our negative self-talk to a love motivated ‘I get to’ attitude. I love God and he loves me so I get to do life with gratitude and joy.

Personal note:  We got to visit our daughter in Midwest this week so I chose to rework a blog post from three years ago.  I needed to revisit this topic and I have a hunch we all need to revisit this topic on a regular basis!