We had a wonderful family birthday celebration for our three August birthdays. The weather was perfect so we sat on our patio and ate and talked and laughed and ate. The grandchildren got along with each other and the puppy. Our kids gave us very thoughtful gifts. So what could possibly be wrong? The trash talk in my head. I felt false guilt because the meal was super easy and I hadn’t done any of the work as per Husband’s orders. Our son-in-law did all the cooking on his Traeger that he brought over. One daughter brought the best cupcakes ever- always better than mine. One son brought crazy large shrimp he had cooked to perfection with his own gourmet sauce. The rest was prepared food. Afterward, I tried to figure out why I had such a hard time letting go of preparing the meal. It boiled down to a wrong-headed idea I’ve carried around my whole adult life. I have the idea that nothing can be good if it was easy. I have to work long and hard, otherwise I don’t deserve good things. Never mind that the Lord freely gives me beyond-numbers blessings that I don’t have to work for, nor could I earn them. Never mind that others enjoy helping and I don’t have to do everything, nor could I do the amazing things they do. Never mind that it’s ugly pride that insists on always being the main show, and doing things the way I’ve always done them. Yikes! Time to clean my mental house and get rid of that wrong thinking!
Dear Husband reminded me of the Biblical story of Mary and Martha. Martha insisted on putting her priority on meal preparation, i.e. her performance, when Jesus came to be her dinner guest- with his twelve students, of course, and perhaps others. It was natural for Martha to shift into high gear and flurry around tending to the meal for all those people. There was work to be done! But her sister, Mary, was enthralled with Jesus and couldn’t pull herself away from him to do the mundane when the divine was sitting in her living room. She was as close as she could be, sitting at his feet in the posture of a humble, devoted learner. All the while, Martha was doing her assumed duties alone, but missing her chance to soak in the presence of the Son of God. Hot and bothered, she had a lot of trash talk in her head. I can imagine those wrong thoughts because I’ve entertained them myself. “I deserve to be helped. When others don’t do what I want and help me, anger and blame are the best ways to manipulate them. Telling others how rotten it is that I’ve been short-changed is a good way to shame someone into doing what I want. I’m indispensable, and my contribution is extremely important. Others should do what I want because I know what’s best. Only by following my direction will the outcome be right.” And although none of us would actually put this into words, we act as if the main thing is the physical aspect of life because that’s where we invest our time and energy. We slip into the trap of working only for what can be seen, like a well-prepared meal (or earning more money, or looking good, or getting chores done). We forget that nothing is more important than relationships. Oh, how easy it is for us to fall into these traps! Think back to your last special occasion/holiday meal. Or last weekend. Did any of these thoughts ever pop into your head? I know I have to fight them!
Thankfully, being a mom of a large family did go a long way in teaching me that I couldn’t do it all, and it was clear that in many ways my kids and others could do a better job than I could. But the idea that I deserve good things only if I worked long and hard was deeply ingrained and hard to discern when it wasn’t serving me well. Actually, oftentimes it is true that hard work is necessary to get what we want. We gain skill by practice. We get strong by repetition. Most competencies come with hard work over the long haul. But some things are just gifts from a loving and generous Father. It takes humility to accept those without the urge to earn those gifts. It takes wise priorities to know when to work and when to accept an opportunity given. I didn’t need to work for our birthday party. It was good to be able to concentrate on just being together. But other times family members need me to put a home-cooked meal in front of them. Either way, my focus has to be on them. Listening to them, enjoying them, knowing they are the most important thing. Not the meal, not my performance, not my importance. What do you need to let go of in order to put the most importance on your precious relationships, including your relationship with God?
BTW, If you never did like to cook and you have no trouble at all letting go of fussing over meals, read on. You’re not off the hook for this topic! We all have different pitfalls when it comes to prioritizing relationships. What gets in your way of putting time into your relationships? Many things can steal our time away from our families, our friends, those who need our help, and from God. Ever got distracted by any of these and realized you’d spent time on the less important and missed out on relationship time? FaceBook, TV, shopping, being a perfectionist about things that ultimately don’t matter, your career, your hobby, good things taking precedent over the best things? Whatever lures us from dedicating sufficient time to our most important relationships has to be brought under control each day.
“As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42