This week we finally took care of a situation that was adversely affecting a third of our lives.  Yep.  We ditched our uncomfortable mattress and got a new, better one.  So what’s noteworthy about that?  Just this- it stirred up that ugly ogre that lives in my brain.  It often accuses me.  That beast hissed, “How can you ask God to provide you such a luxury when so many of the world’s Christians are suffering?  Think of your sisters in prisons and refugee camps.  God isn’t giving them a mattress at all.  They’re probably better Christians than you.  Who do you think you are to ask for a better mattress?”  This voice is very familiar.  In fact, I hear it every day.  I hear it when Husband and I sit outside in the sunshine by our waterfall.  When Husband I drive thru beautiful scenery in our comfortable car.  When we sit down to a delicious meal.  (Did your mother ever say, “Eat your food, there are children starving in Armenia.”?). False guilt for God’s blessings is one of Satan’s sharpest arrows that he aims at my heart.  This false guilt takes my focus off thanking God and receiving his blessings with joy.  In fact, this guilt even causes me to question the goodness of God.  “Why isn’t he blessing others like he blesses me?”  It causes me to question myself, “How can I have the nerve to ask for even more?”

This accusing voice also works in insidious ways.  It motivates me to downplay or hide my blessings.  Recently I was donating my time to make portraits of the volunteers at a pregnancy resource center that offers free pregnancy tests, ultra-sounds, baby supplies, parenting classes, and emotional support to mothers who find themselves in difficult circumstances.  These images will go up on the wall of the reception area to welcome visitors.  One volunteer who was scheduled to sit for her portrait forgot to wear a dark top which was needed so all the portraits would look similar.  I gave her my ‘new’ fine Italian leather jacket to wear because it was dark.  I was actually embarrassed that I had an expensive piece of clothing and rushed to explain that it cost $4.75 at a thrift store as if to apologize for having something so nice.  Then she told me about an expensive-looking jacket made in France that she found at Goodwill for her son’s participation in homecoming court.  After the event, she asked him if he had divulged the $10. cost of his jacket.  “No,” he replied, “I just told them I was wearing a French jacket.”  His mother and I looked at each other and giggled.  We were quick to defend our frugality, but he felt no obligation to justify wearing a fine jacket. 

I wonder how much of my inability to embrace God’s gifts to me actually stems from hidden sins in my heart.  Have I ever judged someone for having things that I deemed too expensive?  If I’m honest, yes.  But what right do I have to judge someone for the way they spend their money?  That is a personal thing between them and God.  Besides, maybe they got that house/car/clothing/furniture/art in ways and for reasons I have no idea about.  On the other hand, have I ever judged someone for not spending money on things I think they should?  I can see that no matter which end of the spectrum others fall on, I’ll compare and make assessments I have no right to make.  This comparing and judging has come back to bite me.  Now I’m fearful that others are also judging me.  For most of our adult lives, Husband earned all or part of his income serving in non-profit Christian organizations.  I felt it incumbent on us to never give donors any cause to question our use of their donated funds.  On the surface, it sounds responsible, but underneath was fear, pride, and greed.  I wanted people to feel sorry for me and give me things.  If I look too well off, they won’t help us and what if we can’t make it on our own?  There, I’ve admitted it.  This probably isn’t your story.  But I’m guessing there are lurking attitudes that are hindering your enjoyment of what you have.  Maybe your problem is focusing on what you don’t have.  Maybe it’s wanting to impress others with appearances you can’t afford.  

When I feel false guilt over God’s blessings, maybe a better question than, “Why don’t you give to everyone equally, God?” would be, “How can I share the blessings you have given me, Lord?”  Instead of feeling guilty, I want to revel in my blessings and ask, “How can I share this blessing with someone who needs this?”  Maybe that stranger I met in church needs to be invited to my table.  Maybe I need to renew my lapsed commitment to charitable giving for persecuted brothers and sisters on the other side of the globe. Maybe someone who is lonely needs to be invited to sit with us at our waterfall.  

Here are some good checkpoints for healthy attitudes about our money and possessions:

We thank God for his countless blessings and we enjoy them.

We share our blessings with others, especially those in need.

We’re willing to loose our abundance and still thank him.

We put our hearts on God, not because he gives us so much, but because he is who he is.  Our relationship with him is the most valuable.  

For instance, if we have to choose between making more money and being obedient, we gladly choose obedience.  Many years ago when our children were still at home, Husband realized that by working Saturdays, he was missing out on precious family time.  He felt a heavy responsibility to provide for the five children still at home, but he knew that relationships were more valuable than making money.  So he closed his business on Saturdays and spent the day at home.  We were all so glad he made the decision, but I was braced for a serious drop in income.  Yet we embraced this loss because we wanted family time more than we wanted money.  We even discussed this with our kids and they agreed.  The first month went by and when our bookkeeper gave us the profit and loss statement, our income had remained steady despite four less days of doing business.  Wow!  We were shocked and thankful.  Now I’m not insinuating that every time you’re faithful to God’s values, you’ll prosper financially.  But I do guarantee that every time you’re faithful to God’s values, you’ll prosper in your inner being.  You’ll have more peace, more happiness, more faith.  Not because your circumstances are great, but because you’re focused on a great God.  

Focusing on God is the key.  What does that look like?  It means directing your doubts, needs, fears, and worries to the God who sees, cares, and answers.  It means reading what he has told us about himself in the Bible.  It means reminding ourselves what kind of God he is every time a worry pops back up.  It means doing what pleases him on an hourly basis.  That includes being ethical, being generous, caring about others, and taking care of our families as a holy calling.  In short, treating others as we want to be treated. When our hearts are set on loving God and people, other things fall into place.  We have enough for today.  We have inner contentment.  

“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.  For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty….I don’t say this because I want a gift from you. Rather, I want you to receive a reward for your kindness.”  Paul, the missionary, writing to thank his donors in Philippians 4:11-14, 17