As a young woman, I had my life planned out for several years ahead.  I was nearing graduation from a three-year training program for international service and had been accepted at a prestigious college in the Boston area where I planned to finish my degree.  My Summer was to be spent in a study abroad program.  I was excited and, OK, just a little proud.  Then I met Husband-to-be.  I was minding my own business studying in the student union before dinner.  Suddenly a young man was standing in front of me.  Obviously, he had a conversation in mind. I didn’t have time for a conversation, but I didn’t want to be rude.  Fast forward a month.  I realized I would soon have to make a decision.  Would I pursue my cherished plans, or would I give them up and join my life to this young man and support him in his career?  I actually tried to make a compromise plan where I continued my education at a closer college while he finished his education, but it didn’t work out with that college.  So, back to that hard decision.  I’m glad I chose to marry and wholeheartedly get behind his career.  I feel I’ve been compensated richly for that sacrifice.  I’ve had amazing opportunities to learn even more than 2 more years of college would have afforded both in life experiences, in other formal education, and mentoring.  We will soon celebrate fifty years together.  No, it wasn’t easy, but I’m so thankful we both sacrificed for each other.  The rewards of love, companionship, trust, and mutual help are worth it all. 

“Women have been socialized to put their needs second to their partner’s needs,”  blogger G.L.

Is that a bad thing?  Let’s talk about it.

I feel that our present culture is limiting the idea of empowerment to mean getting what you want. It seems that women, especially, are being told that it’s anti-self to serve others. Our society scorns the fact that in order to serve, we often have to sacrifice our own desires.  The woman who chooses to work part-time or not at all in order to be at home with children may lose status and may struggle to find affirmation in child rearing compared to her career.  Instead, we are constantly encouraged to get what we want for ourselves.  And who wants dirty diapers, fussy littles, and less income?  It’s hard to understand the Scriptural principle of losing our lives to find ourselves.  But sacrifice is a gift to the one who receives and to the one who gives.  Giving up something – our time, our sleep, our comfort, our career, our money for the well-being of another is noble.  It’s the way of the cross modeled for us by Jesus.  Giving up what we want takes faith that God will, indeed, give us better things.  Eternal things like happiness, contentment, love, and purpose.

“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”  Luke 9:24

“If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.”  Luke 17:33

“If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.  If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.”  Matthew 10:38-39

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” Matthew 16:24-25

According to the study notes of the NIV Bible, this “saying of Jesus is found in all four Gospels and in two Gospels more than once.  No other saying of Jesus is given such emphasis.”  Maybe this truth had to be repeated so many times because it’s counterintuitive to our naturally selfish bent.

Think of the greats of our faith.  Moses gave up his quiet life taking care of sheep in the desert in order to lead Israel.  His simple days as a shepherd were put aside for the constant chaos of caring for an enormous flock of ungrateful people.  Yet he finished his years still serving his people and walking with God so closely that God called him his friend.

The apostle Paul was an up-and-coming leader in his religion, yet he turned his back on his privileged position in order to pursue faith in Jesus.  Instead of receiving the honor and power of his former rank, he chose to be reviled, threatened, beaten, imprisoned, forced out of several cities, stoned, and hated.  Yet he was content, happy, and fulfilled right up to his martyrdom.

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”  Ephesians 5:1-2

On a personal level, both husbands and wives are told to put aside their own agenda for the sake of their mate.  Yet this sacrifice actually brings way more happiness than getting their own way would have.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her …In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.”  Ephesians 5:25,28

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Ephesians 5:33

Of course, there is a balance to be found.  We are called to serve, yet it is necessary and right to take care of ourselves so we can continue to serve.  This isn’t being selfish, this is being a good steward of our physical, emotional, and mental resources.  Planning margins in our schedules and setting aside time to recharge is imperative.  Taking time out for spiritual refreshment was modeled for us by Jesus.  Moses and the apostle Paul also spent time away from others to meet with God.  Only God’s Spirit can show you what this looks like for you in your own life at this time in your life.  Another element of balance is being brave and honest enough to ask for what we need.  It is necessary for healthy relationships.  But when our requests are ignored or denied, we must not respond with bitterness.  No one but God can give us all we need to be happy.  We rest in his care and continue to serve whether or not those we serve care about meeting our needs.

So I’m not ashamed of the fact that I give up some things in order to serve my husband, family, and others.  I receive far more than I give.  Not always from others, but from God who gives me strength. I’m an empowered woman.