This week’s blog is one long one instead of two short ones.  It is practical information on personality types which should inspire us to get along with each other better.  Why should you care about personality types?  Just interesting information?  So you can justify your behavior?  (I can’t help it, I’m just like this.)  So you can point the finger at other types you feel superior to?  I have been so guilty of wanting others to be like me.  What arrogance!  Do I think I have fewer faults than others?  Do I think I have a better approach than someone else God has formed?  

How does understanding personality types help me get along with the other human beings in my life?  By recognizing and honoring their differences from me, I give them room to operate in their strengths.  It’s cooperation, not competition!  They don’t need to be like me!  In fact, I see more clearly that any cooperative effort, whether it be a marriage or a project, needs the different strengths of different personality types.  I would never choose someone of my personality type to work on a project needing planning and meeting a deadline!

The following story illustrates four personality types.  Yes, there are many ways to categorize personalities, but for simplicity, I have chosen just four main types.  None of us is 100% one type or another, we are a mix.  But each of us operates more in one category than another.  We are complex and unique, yet share commonality.

Four travelers, Mr. Do, Mr. Fun, Miss Plan and Mrs. Help are embarking on a trip.  They are all going to the same destination and plan to meet up there, but chose to travel separately.

 

 

Mr. Do throws a few things in his small bag early in the morning and hops into his favorite car which he has tuned to optimum performance.  He drives as fast as he can get away with.  He is too eager to get to his destination to stop for lunch.  Finally forced to stop for gas, he doesn’t have time for chit chat with the gas attendant.  He barely mumbles a ‘Thanks’ and roars off into the sunset.  Hungry and tired he arrives at the destination city only to realize he didn’t make reservations at a hotel.  His only consolation is that he arrived before the others. He quickly decides to book in at the closest hotel he can find.  Annoyed at the chattiness of the desk clerk as she discusses points of interest in the city, he just grunts as he pays.  Why waste time with pleasantries when there are things to be done?  I didn’t come for sightseeing, I came for a meeting.  (He is clear about what he wants when he shops, too.  He doesn’t shop, he buys.)  But later at dinner with his friends, he is warm and talkative.

 

 

 

 

Mr. Fun meant to pack last night, but his friend invited him to a get-together and he got home late, too exhausted to bother with packing.  He got up early as is his energetic habit, but to his dismay, he had only one clean pair of jeans.  He’d been too busy to do laundry this week.  No problem, he packed what was clean and some that weren’t, grabbed a bite of leftovers from last night’s party and headed to the parking garage of his condo.  In the elevator, he met an acquaintance and lingered in the lobby to chat with him.  By the end of the fifteen-minute conversation, he had a new lead for his business.  As he unlocked his car, his phone buzzed and he stopped to take the call.  Five minutes later, he hopped into his flashy car with his favorite tunes playing and headed for the exit.  He entered his destination city into the phone GPS and chose the scenic route.  He needed to stop at the gas station first to fill up because he was too busy yesterday to think about the trip today.  Feeling hungry late-morning, he stopped at a busy and loud hole-in-wall local restaurant off the beaten track.  He greeted the waitress with his signature smile and asked for her recommendation of what was especially good on the menu.  He took her advice and ordered something he’d never had before.  While he waited, he returned a business call, chatted with a local at the next table and checked his email and voicemail.  The afternoon drive was delightful as he stopped at viewpoints to take photos, often chatting with other travelers for a few minutes.  He went just a bit off his route to try a new zip line attraction which he thoroughly enjoyed.  As he approached the destination city, he ran into heavy traffic.  Phoning Miss Plan, he let her know he’d be late.  He thought he heard irritation in her voice, but he quickly forgot about it when he noticed the vintage car beside him in traffic.  When he arrived at dinner, he was the life of the party telling about his adventures on the trip.

 

Miss Plan had had trouble sleeping last night.  Her lists kept swirling around and around in her head.  She wondered if she’d forgotten to pack anything.  Two weeks ago, she had begun planning a wardrobe for each day of the trip.  A week ago she had gone shopping for just the right shoes and necklace for one outfit and stylish earrings and purse for another.  ‘Fashionista’ some of her friends call her.  She had had her hair and nails done yesterday which was a couple of days early in her usual routine, but she wanted to look her best for this trip.  Tired as she was, she rose early to go through her daily exercise regimen at the gym.  Returning home, she showered, dressed in a flattering new outfit, drank her usual protein shake, carefully put on her make-up, closed her three bags after checking to make sure all necessary, and some unnecessary items were folded carefully and placed in order by day.  Her list was laid out on the entry table – What To Do Before Leaving. All but one had been checked off- confirm reservations at the hotel and for dinner tonight.  She stopped to dial the numbers.  She had spent hours researching and reading reviews, so she was confident she would enjoy her accommodations.  She had volunteered to chose the restaurant where she would meet her friends.  They had gladly agreed knowing she would carefully research and find the best-reviewed restaurant in the city.  She locked the door of her apartment and checked the knob just to make sure it was indeed locked.  Her late model car was full of gas and the roadside assistance program was paid through next year.  She placed her large bags into the spacious trunk and sank into the comfortable driver’s seat with a sigh of satisfaction.  Leaving on time, as usual.  Her GPS was already programmed and she noted the estimated arrival time.  She would be able to get to her room and freshen up before meeting for dinner with her friends. However, her dinner schedule was wrecked by the two late arrivals and she was out of sorts by the time everyone arrived.

Mrs. Help packed in a hurry last night.  Fortunately, her few favorite outfits were clean because she always kept the laundry caught up knowing her husband liked it that way.  But she hadn’t counted on spending an hour on the phone last night with a family member who needed to talk, so she felt rushed as she shoved her clothes into a well-worn suitcase. In the morning, after fixing a nutritious breakfast for her husband, there was no time to spend fixing her hair. If she left late, she’d disappoint her friends who would be waiting for her, so she ran a brush through her hair, grabbed her bag and headed to her old faithful car.  Oops!  Forgot the keys.  As she reentered the house, her husband made a comment about the fact that she never left just once.  While the car warmed up, she started to enter her destination in the GPS, but her phone beeped a text which she immediately checked and answered since she treats others as she wants to be treated.  Several exchanges later, she was finally pulling out of her driveway when she realized the homemade cookies she’d made for Mr. Fun were still on the kitchen counter.  She knew he enjoyed them so much that it was no trouble to go back and get them.  Already in her suitcase was a purse organizer pouch she had sewed for Miss Plan and a laser measure for Mr. Do. “Back again?  Now what did you forget?” remarked her husband with no surprise.  Yes, she knew she was forgetful, but there were just so many things to think about at any given moment.  Creative ideas, decisions that needed to be made, but were so difficult to make, what she’d read yesterday, who needed her help today, an email that should have been written, whether she’d started that load of laundry and fed the cat. A bit behind schedule, she approached the city only to find a traffic jam.  She didn’t like cities much and found herself wishing she was back in her peaceful home.  When she called Miss Plan to let her know she’d be late, she immediately sensed the irritation on the other end.  After hanging up, she worried that Miss Plan would still be angry when she finally arrived and tried to devise a way to smooth Miss Plan’s feathers.  When she finally arrived, she was so delighted to engage in meaningful conversation with each friend that she almost forgot to order her dinner.

How does understanding the personality types help me get along with Husband who has a very different personality than mine?  He’s very much a Mr. Do and I’m very much a Mrs. Help.  So I cringe when that someone I live with is less than gentle in his communication.  (As in, “You’re doing it wrong. Get out of my way so I can get this done.”)  Then one day, I realized that this bluntness was the negative side of his positive quality of staying on task until finished.  We are living in a comfortable house because of his focus and commitment to the task of building.  If it had been up to me, even if I had his skills, we would still be years from finishing!  Studying this method of categorizing personality types, has gelled my recognition that the positive aspects of each person come bundled with negative aspects. I can’t change the not-so-nice parts, but I have more compassion now because I know he must fight battles that my personality may not have to.  I can celebrate and honor the many wonderful parts of his personality.  And I can help fulfill the innate needs his personality craves.

Strengths

Mr. Do- Finishes quickly what he set out to do.  Focuses on goals. Expects the best from himself and others. Accomplished in his field. Dependable, trustworthy, honest, hard-working, decisive, may be a leader, asset to his company, self-motivated, determined, prompt, has lots of stick-to-it-iveness, dedicated, doesn’t waste time, sacrifices for the sake of the project, committed, likes reading short articles about things that interest him

Mr. Fun- easy to be around, optimistic, energetic, life of the party, funny, out-of-the-box solutions, upbeat, adventurous, eager for new experiences, open to other ways of looking at things, goes with the flow, lives a day at a time, accepts others where they are, curious, brave, confident, able to fit in anywhere, physically active, well intentioned, outgoing, enthusiastic

Miss Plan- organized, efficient, keeps others on track, foresees needs ahead of time and provides for them, efficient administrator, up-to-the-minute, informed, confident, dependable, serious, likes systems and order, realistic, concrete, can process and organize myriad details, sticks to a schedule, disciplined, reads the fine print, calculates the cost to return, savvy, deliberate, keeps track of money

Mrs. Help- patiently nurtures and instructs, compassionate, thinks of others’ feelings and needs, values serious conversations and deep connections, emotionally available, affectionate, abstract thinker, reader, looks for deeper meaning, gets satisfaction from helping others achieve, generous, idealistic, intellectually curious, lifelong learner, good listener, intuitive, looks for the motive behind the action or words, committed to something bigger than herself, making a difference is more important than making money, Why more important than the What, try to obey the rules

How does understanding personality types help me appreciate God?  I fall down and worship at the feet of the Creator who lovingly, purposely formed each of us with the personality he saw fit.  It is he who wired us to contribute in unique ways to the good of others.  Since we are all formed in the image of God, I can see that he must be like all the positive aspects of all the personality types combined.  Wow!

 

Weaknesses

Mr. Do- impatient, rather do it himself than teach another to do it, can be perceived as rude because he is focused on the job, opinionated and must always be right, intolerant, assumes the worst, craves affirmation and attention, competitive, may be a ’know-it-all’, dislikes reading long books

Mr. Fun- may not be practical or safe, promptness is hard, may be perceived as uncaring because he can’t empathize with sad people, doesn’t easily engage on a deep level so has many superficial friendships, money is meant to be spent- not saved, doesn’t plan for the future, can be impetuous, doesn’t give himself down time to unwind, may be a procrastinator, flies by the seat-of-his-pants, easily bored, can’t sit still for long periods, can’t say, ’No’ to anyone, may make promises he can’t fulfill

Miss Plan- gets angry when her plan is messed up, inflexible, self-satisfied, may be too busy directing the group to spend one-on-one time, categorizes people by their job,  may sacrifice relationships because they take too much time, may be overbearing and demanding, may insist on his/her own way, opinionated, may run roughshod over others, smug, may get caught up in details and miss the moment, may hold a grudge, controlling, may be materialistic

Mrs. Help- easily side-tracked from the task, may not set boundaries, may not know when to step back, feels false guilt for not doing more for others, can be manipulated because of the desire to please, worries about how others feel about her, placates others in order to keep the peace, tries to make up for what is lacking on the part of others, over commits, doesn’t correctly assess the amount of time needed for a project, doesn’t care for herself, finds it hard to ask for things or help from others, unrealistic, wants to help when she shouldn’t, down plays own abilities, may lack confidence, indecisive, overly apologetic, random

How does this recognition of positive and negative behaviors common to the different personality types help me as a person?  I can celebrate and honor the positive gifts I’ve been given, taking responsibility for using them for the benefit of others as I celebrate and honor the Giver.  I must also take responsibility for avoiding the pitfalls of my personality, of which there are many.  Just knowing what my weaknesses are and that they are common to all others of my bent, gives me the courage to work determinedly to improve.

 

Failure

Mr. Do, “Failure can and will be avoided at all costs”
Mr. Fun,  “Failure, schmailure.  Get over it.”
Miss Plan,  “I didn’t fail, my system failed.”
Mrs. Help, “Failure is just another name for a lesson learned.”

Relationships

Mr. Do, “Get the job done, then enjoy socializing.”
Mr. Fun, “People are great.  I like everybody.”
Miss Plan,  “Make sure everyone is aware of the schedule and their responsibilities.”
Mrs. Help, “Relationships are what makes the world go around.”

Your assignment is to decide which personality type you are out of the four and which type someone you care deeply about is.  Next, pick one positive characteristic each of you has and appreciate them all week.  Notice how those strengths can be used for the benefit of others.  Then choose one weakness you have and work on it this week.  (Don’t work on the weakness of your loved one!)

Resources

This material, although original, was influenced by reading about a system of personality types devised by Dani Johnson  http://shop.danijohnson.com/gems-mastery/p/138938.  Because of the cost, I didn’t read this original material, I read about it.

The articles I read were:

https://www.craigobrist.com/bloglist/2017/3/28/key-to-closing-the-deals

https://blog.shootproof.com/your-super-savvy-strategy-for-better-bookings-happy-clients/2017/05?utm_source=sp-email&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=your-super-savvy-strategy-for-better-bookings-happy-clients