Husband returns from the mailbox. “Lisa sent you something,” he says, handing me a pretty colored padded envelope.  I drop everything.  My friend sent me a package?!  Why would she send me something?  I feel like a child eagerly opening a present.  A card inside reads, “I am thinking of you today with love.”  It’s been a challenging week.  A tear runs down my face.  My friend cares.  I pull out a soft, warm scarf.  As I put it around my neck it feels like my friend is hugging me even though she lives 3,000 miles away.  And how did she know that this scarf exactly matches that $20. Costco coat I bought a few weeks ago?!  I put the coat on over the scarf and stand in the snow while Husband takes a phone pic to send to Lisa.  But before sending it, I glance at the image.  Bad.  I look bad.  Haggard, with a forced smile.  The week had taken its toll.  But my friend loves me and took the time to let me know.

“In this world of turmoil and strife, with chaos everywhere across our nation and around the globe, there has never been a greater hunger for simple words of encouragement. Excessive stress, lack of control, financial pressure, uncertainty about tomorrow—these are all taking their toll on people’s emotions, health, and morale.

However, there is hope. There is one indispensable ingredient that can transform and inspire individuals, improve life, grow a positive attitude, build self-esteem, and enhance relationships. That ingredient is encouragement.”  Todd Smith,  Little Things Matter blog

But I don’t encourage the people in my life like I should.

I know what the problem isn’t.  The problem isn’t that I don’t love the people I don’t encourage.  Oh no, in fact, often the more important they are to me, the harder it is to actually do the thing necessary to encourage them.  You see, I want it to be so special, so unique, so fitting to their personality that I spin my wheels.  Nope, can’t send them that gift- not cool enough.  No, better not put that birthday greeting image on their Facebook page- not amazing enough.  Better not say that to them- it sounds corny.  Call it perfectionism or unrealistic standards or pride.  Whatever it is, it trips me up.  It barricades the flow from my heart to those wonderful people who need a little encouragement.

I know what another problem isn’t.  The problem isn’t that I don’t see opportunities to encourage others.  I often think of family and friends whom I could encourage with a text, a call or an in-person chat.  But the more pressing their need, the harder it is to reach out. I don’t feel adequate to their need.  I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know if it’ll make things worse for them if I mention it.  But when I’m honest, I know that hurting people don’t need great advice, they need love and compassion and a listening ear.

There are only so many hours in my day and your day.  Some daily duties must be done.  There are large chunks of time in everyone’s life that simply must be spent providing for needs, whether it’s employment and/or daily duties at home.  We have to eat, have clean clothes and a clean house.  I put a priority on our health, so I cook nutritious meals from scratch with lots of vegetables and fresh fruit.  The prep and clean-up are time-consuming.  I can save time by serving leftovers, by cooking larger batches of some dishes and freezing for later (meatloaf, biscuit mix, cookies), and we eat out once a week.  So in this manner, I steal back some time for other things.

Years ago when I was raising babies, I read a LaLeche League book on breastfeeding.  Hang on, this does have relevance!  It’s been 40+ years since I read that book, but a mantra from that book still rings in my head.  “People before things.”  The book pointed out the obvious- moms are busy.  They have so much to do that they can’t do it all.  Moms should choose the most important.  The most important is people.  Ever since reading that book, I have tried to live by the philosophy of people before things.  I thought after the kids were out of the house, it would be easier.   But I’m still selfish and having more time makes it easier to spend that time on myself and doing my ‘things’- not necessarily physical stuff, but my interests.

So what about the hours that we have some control over?  I now have much more discretionary time than I ever had in previous stages of my life.  But what am I doing with those hours?  What prevents me from reaching out to others in appreciation and compassion?  I don’t know what it is for you, but I do know some things that interfere for me.  Too often I waste valuable time by reading about things that aren’t necessary; things that don’t contribute to my being a better person or being more useful to others. I’m retired, why do I read about business techniques?  Habit, morbidly trying to figure out why my last business didn’t prosper, and a just-in-case-I-decide-to-work-part-time-again mentality.  This is wasted time.  It doesn’t do me or anyone else any good right now.  Naming it and admitting it’s a time waster will help me avoid it going forward.  (If I decide to work again, I can study business techniques then.)  What snatches your time without bringing you a worthwhile return?

The internet is a bane and a blessing.  I can waste time or I can encourage others with this tool.  I check my email too often.  The one good habit I have is to open family related emails first.  Usually, it’s a Facebook post of a grandchild’s photo or an adult child’s date night with hubby or a funny remark from a grandchild. I show support by a little comment.  After family, I open emails from or relating to friends.  It’s easy to drop a few lines (or many) to respond to a friend who has reached out to me.  Why did I wait for them to initiate contact?  Why didn’t I reach out to them?  Only after people are taken care of, do I open my other emails.  I love to send friends an e-card with a personal note.  I use Jacquie Lawson e-cards which are artistic and clever.  What are your good habits for encouraging others via the internet?

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”  Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God.”  1 Samuel 23:16

“The brothers and sisters in Rome had heard we were coming, and they came to meet us at the Forum on the Appian Way. Others joined us at The Three Taverns. When Paul saw them, he was encouraged and thanked God.”  Acts 28:15

“When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.”  Paul in Romans 1:12

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”  Paul in Ephesians 4:29

“Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.”  Paul in 2 Corinthians 14:11